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My gaze falls on a stack of pregnancy tests on the vanity. They appeared in my bathroom the morning after we had sex on the hood of Vinicius’ car. I’m guessing Lorenzo put them there, being the helpful doctor-type that he is. I turn away to go and make my bed. I suppose I’ll use one if my period is ever…
Late.
I stare straight ahead, counting back the days to my last period. But when was it? I’ve lost all sense of the days of the week since coming to live at the compound.
Am I late? Lorenzo would know, or he’ll have it written down on his calendar. I wonder if I can get a look at it without him knowing because I don’t fancy peeing on a stick while he breathes down my neck. Also, I don’t want to get his hopes up only to disappoint him if it turns out I’m not pregnant. We’ve had enough disappointment this week.
At the top of the stairs, I listen for the sounds of anyone moving about. At this time of day, if Lorenzo has nothing else to do, he works out in the basement. I head down to his med room and approach his desk, a guilty feeling spreading through me. The last time I was caught reading something of his, it caused a huge fight. The desk drawers are closed, but I know they’re full of notebooks that contain his violent, intrusive thoughts. His nightmares and his fantasies, all written in a messy scrawl. Their sisters are in those books. I’m in those books. I was horrified at first by what Lorenzo had written. Now, the sight of him bent over a notebook lost in his writing makes my heart hurt, but it also makes me proud. He’s faced demons more terrifying than most people could bear, but they didn’t break him. My Lorenzo is strong.
Thankfully, I don’t have to go through his drawers for his calendar as it’s sitting on the desk. There’s a red ring around one of the dates last month, and I count forward twenty-eight days. My period was due six days ago.
Six is nothing. My period could come at come any moment.
And yet my heart is suddenly beating faster.
I head for the stairs just as Lorenzo appears at the far end of the corridor. He’s dressed in sweats and a T-shirt with a towel over one shoulder, and his face is glowing with perspiration.
I pretend I don’t see him and hurry up the stairs.
“Princess? What are you up to?”
Damn him. How does he know I’m up to something?
“Nothing!” I call over my shoulder.
I walk straight through to my bathroom and pick up a pregnancy test. I’m definitely not pregnant but I won’t be able to relax today until I take one of these things. The instructions from the box are simple enough. Pee on this end, wait a few minutes and a plus sign means you’re pregnant.
On a whim, I take out a bunch of tests and rinse out an empty box of cotton swabs and pee in that. One test might not be accurate. I should probably do more, and why not four? Four is my lucky number. I smile to myself as I imagine doing this ritual every month. Four pregnancy tests, one for each of my men.
A few minutes later, I have four tests lined up on the counter and I’m sitting on the closed toilet, heels bouncing up and down. I’m certain the results will be negative, but do I want them to be positive? The sensible thing would be to hope that I’m not pregnant yet as none of us are prepared for a baby. But sense went out the window when Cassius decided he wasn’t going to pull out anymore.
As I stare at the four tests, déjà vu surges through me. These sticks remind me of something but I can’t put my finger on what.
Then I realize. They look like the neat line of tombstones from my nightmare.
There’s a footfall outside my bedroom door and Lorenzo calls my name. I pull open a drawer, scoop all the tests into it and push it closed. When Lorenzo comes in I’m applying toothpaste to my toothbrush.
“I asked you what you’re up to,” he says his eyes narrowed.
I smile brightly. “I’m brushing my teeth. Good workout?”
“Fine, thanks.” He frowns and glances around the room, but nothing seems amiss. “I’m going for a shower and then I’ll make us coffee, okay?”
“Sure!”
I must sound too chirpy because he hesitates in the doorway, those intense blue eyes of his scouring my face. “Is there anything you want to tell me?”
I shake my head, still smiling. It’s not a lie, technically, because I don’twantto tell him anything right now. After he leaves, I stare at the drawer. The results will probably have developed by now.
I put down my toothbrush and walk away.
I’m distracted for the rest of the day, gnawing on my nails and staring out the window. Lorenzo keeps giving me funny looks until he finally slaps my hand away from my mouth.
“Would you quit doing that? What’s wrong?”
“Nothing, I’m just thinking about things.”
“Is it yesterday? Are you thinking about your father?”
