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Chapter 43
Theadora
Declanlookedaway,and when his gaze returned, I read painful resignation. Fighting that inner child screaming at me to fall into his arms and take him any which way, I listened instead to my adult voice.
“If we’re to marry, I need to know who you really are. So far, it’s been endless sex and you spoiling me.” I stroked the diamonds dangling from my ears.
Lounging back in an antique silk-covered armchair, he reminded me of the muscular, gorgeous heartthrobs that women drooled over in magazines.
He stroked his bottom lip. “That’s not something I can answer because I’m not sure who I really am.”
“You’re a hero,” I returned. “My hero. And the hero of those mothers and children you saved in Afghanistan.”
“That’s just natural instinct. I’m talking about relationships.”
“You doubt you can make me happy?” I stared him in the eyes.
“I’d do everything to make you happy. But beyond showering you with compliments, keeping you safe, and buying you everything your heart desires, I don’t know what else I can offer.”
“I don’t need all of that. Just you by my side is enough.” I chose my words carefully. “Being with you has made me the happiest I’ve ever been, but also the most anxious.”
“The most anxious? Really?” A line formed between his brows. “Even with all that’s happened in your past?”
“That’s different. My stepfather terrified me, whereas with you I’m scared you’ll break my heart.”
He rose and joined me at the window.
Drawing me close, he kissed the top of my head.
“I’ve never felt this way about any woman. From the moment I saw you on my couch asleep, I couldn’t stop thinking about you. And I was your first.” He shook his head as though I’d handed him an unimaginable gift. “You’re mine, Theadora. I want to possess you. I’d kill anyone if they tried to harm you.”
Instead of anger at his words, I felt liberated by them. I wanted this man to possess me.
“But that only works if you let me possess you.”
He lifted his palms in surrender. “You’ve got all of me. You can choose the colours of the walls. You can choose where we holiday. You can choose our children’s names. You can tell me not to go out and play poker with my army mates. You can call the shots for all I care. I just want you with me forever.”
“Forever?” That word floated out of my mouth like a spray of gossamer.
Snapping out of my dream and refusing to allow my swelling heart to hijack the moment, I looked away from his beautiful face. “Please tell me about Jasmine.”
He puffed out a breath and rubbed his sharp jaw. “We went out for a month. She was nineteen, and I was twenty-one.”
“Was she a virgin?” Although irrelevant, that small detail mattered to me.
“Are you kidding? She’d fucked half the village by the time I met her.” He sniffed.
“And you fell for her?” I asked, surprised that a man like Declan would go out with the village floozy.
“Well, let’s put it this way: she was very experienced.” His raised eyebrow reminded me of Declan’s high sex drive.
“So that’s what appealed to you?”
“I was twenty-one, Theadora. I hadn’t really thought it out. And the girls who moved in our circles, tended to be less…”
“Adventurous?” I asked.
He nodded with a guilty look. “She lived on one of the local farms. I’d known Jasmine since we were children. We met one night at the Mariner. She was playing the flute with Mirabel on guitar, and I fell for her.”
