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“What made you decide to do that?” he asked, cocking an eyebrow like he was daring me to answer.
I wasn’t sure I wanted to share such a personal story with a man I likely wouldn’t see again after tonight. But my mouth opened, and the words spilled out of their own volition.
“I guess you could say I had troubles when I was a kid. For quite a long time, I was always sure I could smell smoke or that something was going to light on fire at any second. Or if one of the kids in my class didn’t show up to school one day, I was convinced they’d died, and the teacher just wouldn’t tell me.” I paused, laughing self-consciously.
Why was I telling him this?But maybe it made sense. When this was over, he’d forget about me. I could tell him anything, and he’d never reveal my secrets. That was the great thing about being me, it seemed. I was disposable. Easily forgettable.
Nico poured two glasses of wine and handed me one. “Go on,” he said, looking at me like he was interested, not like he thought I was batshit crazy.
“One day, Greta didn’t show up to school—I guess she was home, sick—but I was certain she was dead. My best friend was dead,” I choked out, remembering how I’d felt even if it had all been in my head. “I freaked out so much, I hyperventilated, and I guess I passed out. I woke up in the nurse’s office, and the nurse was just… there, stroking my hair back and telling me everything was going to be okay. When she learned why I was upset, she got Greta’s parents on the phone and let me talk to Greta. And then, the nurse arranged for me to get some really good therapy.”
It had seemed harmless to tell him, but I felt exposed the moment the words were out.Why did I tell him that story?
“And that made you want to become a nurse?” he asked with a slight furrow between his eyebrows.
“But that wasn’t all she did,” I added. It sounded like I’d decided to become a nurse because some lady had been nice to me for five minutes. “For years after, even when I was no longer convinced the whole world was going up in flames, she checked on me all the time. She pulled me out of class, and I got to hang out with her in the nurse’s office. And she just let me talk, I guess. She didn’t have to do any of those things, you know? It wasn’t part of her job, and eventually, I figured I wanted to be just like her. Not just doing my job, but actually helping people.”
“You’re saying you lost people you cared about in a fire,” he said. There was a hard edge in his tone.
I’d thought I had, but those wounds were too fresh to talk about.
“No,” I said instead. “I never lost anyone in a fire.”
He looked at me for a moment, like he was trying to see behind my eyes. His piercing stare made me feel like he might have just been able to do it.
I glanced away, turning my attention to the wine in front of me and the food on the side table. I hadn’t eaten all day, I realized, as I filled my plate. I’d sat in the living room of my hotel room, telling myself I was going to dinner with Nico because it could help with my stupid plan. I wanted to ignore how much I craved the way I couldn’t focus on anything but him when he was around. The vetiver and clean scent of him. The hard, muscular body concealed beneath his crisp navy-blue suit. The heated look in his eyes whenever he looked at me. The charged energy in the air between us.
“So, what is it you do all day when you’re not seducing women at nightclubs?” I asked, trying to drag my mind away from the only direction it wanted to go.
It came out sounding kind of lame, but I had no idea how dinner-date conversation was supposed to go with a dangerous killer.It was insane that even that thought sent a hot-cold shiver down my spine.
“I work,” he said with a casual shrug of his shoulders. “Business has been busy lately, so it occupies most of my time.”
“Busy?” I asked.
Did he mean he was busy arranging shipments and overseeing production all the time? Or was it the other part of the business that kept him occupied? The part where he’d built an infamous reputation torturing and killing people?
A flicker of a knowing smile crossed his expression, but he took a sip of wine, and it was gone. “We have new warehouses we’ve recently acquired. They’re not manned with as much security as they should be, so there’s a push to move production along faster than some of our men are accustomed to,” he said with another casual shrug.
I didn’t really understand what that meant, but I smiled anyway.
The room was silent as we delved into our food. I could hear too much. The too-fast thud of my heartbeat. The inhale and exhale of our breathing, mine coming twice as fast as his. Even the quiet rustle of fabric as I uncrossed then crossed my legs beneath the table. It was like my senses were working overtime.
I could see every muscle working in his throat when he swallowed. His scent carried over the top of the spicy aroma of the pasta. My dress felt heavier against my skin. Though it was made of silk, it felt cloying and uncomfortable, and I just wanted it off.
I couldn’t say how much time had passed when he swallowed back the last drops of wine from his glass and stood.
“It seems you’re not very hungry,” he said with a knowing grin.
I glanced down at my barely-touched plate and empty wineglass. The food was excellent, but I still had no appetite. I’d worked my way through two glasses of wine, though, and I could feel the effects tingling through my extremities, making them feel just a little heavier than usual.
Searching for some sort of apology, I opened my mouth, but he shook his head.
“I’m not hungry either, Raven. Not for food, anyway.”
Leaving our plates on the table, he held out his hand. The moment I took it, the sparks in the air ignited, zapping the oxygen from the room and heating me from the inside out.
He led me back through the house to the living room, and I tried to hide my quiet sigh of disappointment. I’d kind of been hoping he would have led me straight to his bedroom. This was not my main purpose in coming here, but I wanted it more than I ever thought possible. Nico made it so tempting to forget about my real life and bury myself in experiences I’ve never had. To overwhelm my senses so much that everything else disappeared—even if only for a little while.
