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Unfortunately, I learned a long time ago that there are no answers in situations like these.
We just have to cling on to every ounce of happiness and hope with everything we have that the worst might not happen quite yet. That we might just get a few more days, weeks, months, or if we’re really lucky, years.
I’ve got no idea how much time passes, but eventually, Kat pulls back from my chest and wipes her cheeks with the backs of her hands.
“Sorry,” she whispers, looking away from me as if she’s embarrassed for breaking down like that.
“Hey,” I breathe, reaching out and taking her chin between my fingers, giving her little choice but to turn back to me. “Don’t hide from me, Kitten. You have nothing to apologize for. I’m here. I’ve got you, and I’m not going anywhere.”
“H-how did you—”
“River called me.”
A small smile twitches one corner of her mouth.
“Don’t be mad at her. She knew you shouldn’t be here alone. Come here.” I hold my arm out for her and thankfully, after only a second of hesitation, she snuggles into my side, accepting my warmth and support.
“I’m meant to be mad at you,” Kat whispers.
“You still can be. Just not right now, okay? Let me just… let me be here. Let me be what you need.”
Shifting us back a little on the bed, I encourage her to lie back down again and wrap myself around her as if I can physically hold her together.
“W-what if Diesel—”
“Shh, Kitten. You have nothing to worry about right now. Your mom is in the best place she can be, and you’re in my arms. Nothing else matters, okay? Just get some rest.”
She nods, too exhausted to argue with me. Thank fuck.
She snuggles closer but doesn’t turn away from her mom. And after only a few minutes, her body relaxes and her breathing evens out.
“Sleep tight, Kitten. I promise I’ll be right here when you wake.” I drop a kiss on her shoulder before whispering the truth into the silence. “I love you.”
29
KAT
Idon’t know how long I’ve been lying here, staring up at the ceiling, Ryder’s soft snores tickling my cheek.
It hadn’t taken much to crash in his arms. The events of the last forty-eight hours had caught up to me and I’d all but melted into his arms.
But I didn’t stay sleeping for long. Even Ryder couldn’t chase away my nightmares.
I want to wake him, to tell him to go before someone catches us. A nurse or doctor or worse, my brother.
But I don’t.
I can’t.
Because as much as I’m angry with him, I need someone to hold me and tell me everything will be okay. And after the vile things me and Diesel said to each other, it’s unlikely to be him comforting me for a while.
Emotion wells inside me, and I smother a whimper of distress.
You’re the last person she can count on.His words echo on repeat. I understand why he thinks that, I do. It’s my MO to run off when things get hard but not because I don’t care. Because I care too much.
Because I’m terrified of everyone I love leaving me.
Diesel has always had the club. He’s always had his brothers and friends. They’re a family. But it’s not the same for me. I’ve had to watch him grow up and slowly leave me behind. I don’t resent him for it, he deserves to be happy. Losing Mom will hurt him, of course it will, but it won’t crush him. Because he’ll have River and Zach and Jax and all the other brothers at the MC.
