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She’d looked at me triumphantly and I’d realised then, with sudden insight, that she’d grabbed his hand on purpose. Somehow she’d known exactly what to do to make the terrifying Domingo Silvera uncomfortable enough to leave the room.
I’d never discovered what it was about Jenny that had stopped my father from being abusive towards her, but something had. And that was when I’d understood that if Jenny was in my office he wouldn’t bother me. So I never told her to leave. And, while she’d just been a deterrent initially, I grew to like her soft, cheerful conversation and her laughter, filling up the cold silence of my study.
She had been a light to me even back then.
Now, she looked at me with exasperation and said, ‘I’m your friend, Con, not a child you need to take care of. I’ll eat my breakfast if I want to. And as for marrying you, the answer is no. I’m not and that’s final.’
I stared at her, irritated. Her refusal was something I hadn’t anticipated. I knew the idea of being looked after financially would remind her too much of her mother, but thought we could work out an arrangement where she earned her own money. And if sex was the issue...
Yes, what about sex?
The thought made me want to growl, so I shoved it away.
‘Why not?’ I tried not to let my irritation show.
‘Because you don’t love me.’ Her voice was flat. ‘You’re only marrying me because I’m pregnant.’
‘Of course I don’t love you,’ I lied—because I could never tell her the truth. ‘We had that discussion three months ago. And what’s wrong with marrying you because you’re pregnant?’
The soft fullness of her mouth compressed. ‘There’s nothing wrong with it, but that’s never been what I want, Con, and you know that. I want stability and security—especially after the kind of childhood I had with Mum—and that doesn’t just mean money and a roof over my head. Those things are great, yes, but our child needs more than that.’ Her chin rose a little higher. ‘It needs to be loved. And so do I.’
The thread of anger pulled tight, making me tense. I didn’t want to have this discussion. It was pointless when I could never give her the love she wanted. My love was too tainted, too toxic, and I would never wish that on her, never, ever.
Still, the possessiveness that had somehow woken up roaring, that wanted both her and the child, only tightened its hold.
What if I let her go and she married someone else? Someone who gave her what she wanted? Someone who would be a father to my child...
No.
The denial was so absolute there was no resisting it.
I could never trust another man with my child, or with Jenny. She saw the best in people. She never saw the worst. She might marry someone she thought was a good man, someone who could turn out to be even worse than I was, someone like Domingo...
Everything in me went cold. I would die before I allowed that to happen to any child of mine or to Jenny.
‘Marrying me will give you both security and stability,’ I said icily, putting all my will in my tone. ‘They’re a better guarantee than love.’
She gave me a strangely sympathetic look that I didn’t understand. ‘Are you sure about that?’
‘Love is irrelevant to this conversation. You and I are friends, and that surely is enough. Do you really want to be a single mother? All on your own?’
‘Are we friends, though?’ Her gaze was very direct. ‘When you haven’t spoken to me for years?’
Guilt shifted inside me.
I couldn’t tell her why I’d cut off contact with her, why I’d had to keep her at arm’s length. I couldn’t tell her that I longed to give her all the love she was craving, and all the passion too, but that that was a road I couldn’t start down, no matter how badly I wanted to. Not when I knew how toxic my emotions could be.
So I ignored the question and said, ‘I know you don’t want to rely on anyone for money, but as my wife you’d never have to worry about finances again. We can come to some arrangement where you could have your own business and your own income. We can live in London, if you prefer. We don’t have to stay in Madrid.’
‘Con, I can’t—’
‘You can travel the world...buy anything you want.’ I tried to think of other things that might convince her, other things she might want. ‘Silver Inc already donates to and sponsors a great many charities, but more can always be given. The shelter you work at, for example. They must need money.’
She only stared at me. ‘Have you finished?’
I could feel my jaw getting tight. ‘Yes.’
‘Good.’ Her chin jutted with that stubbornness I was starting to dislike intensely. ‘Because the answer is still no.’
