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My shoulders slump. ‘That’s what you see in me, Mum?Really?You’re projecting whatyouwant, not what I want. You want me to fit into this mould you created, a mould that is identical to you! But I’m not you, Mum, am I? We’re not even remotely similar. But I love you for all you are, and all you’ve done in your life, but mostly I love you because you’re my mum. I want you to love me because I’m your daughter, not because of what I can do for the company.’
She continues, her voice softening a fraction. ‘I love you as my daughter, of course I do! I never meant to make you feel like what you wanted didn’t matter, Ellie darling. You always were such a daydreamer, always had your nose pressed in a book, like the day could slip away and you’d barely register that. I felt by pushing you, you’d eventually see just how much you could achieve. Realise your full potential.’
‘I’m notlikeyou. But that’s OK. We don’t all aspire to work crushingly long days, with back-to-back meetings, incessant phone calls and emails. Events most evenings.’ I look at Teddy and it’s glaringly obvious to me. ‘Teddy thrives on that high-pressure, high-octane environment. Not me. You chose the wrong offspring to take over Astor.’
Teddy clears his throat. ‘Thanks for the vote of confidence,Elodie. You’re right, I do thrive on it. It’s all I’ve ever wanted to do.’
Mother sighs and does a strange little laugh. ‘That’sbecoming abundantly clear. I chose you because you weren’t like Teddy! Teddy who went missing for weeks on end until his money ran out. Teddy who was in the press for his decadent lifestyle. You seemed like the safer bet. And Ireallylove the idea of women taking over the world one CEO at a time. But it’s slowly dawning on me that the person for the jobisTeddy. You need an almost frenetic energy to do what needs to be done – to make those high-stakes decisions on the spot. He’s proven he can do it. At the back of my mind is the worry that he’ll eventually explode from the stress and then where will we be? What if he starts drinking again?’
‘What if he doesn’t? What if you foster a better work-life balance at Astor? Why does it always have to be all or nothing with you?’ I pepper my mother with questions, hoping she’ll see that changes need to be made here. One person does not need such crippling responsibility.
She shoots me a surprised look. ‘I’ve never thought about it that way before. It’s such a fast-paced industry, we have to work quick to break the latest stories, trump our competitors, so it’s always felt like we needed to keep our fingers on the pulse, and go go go.’
I give her a sad smile. She’s put so much pressure on herself for so long because she’s been so worried control might slip from her fingers and the company will suffer if she looked away for a minute. ‘There’s a whole team of people who can help. It doesn’t always need to fall directly on your shoulders, or Teddy’s when he takes over.’
‘I’m not sure—’
Dad cuts her off. ‘She’s right, Dorothea, she’sright. Teddy is the best person for the job and he won’t let us down.’
Teddy and I exchange a smile. Have we convinced her after all this time?
‘But you and Teddy as a team! You’d make a formidable pair. I could rest easy, knowing you had each other, if I did decide to take things a bit slower.’
Teddy and I grin. She’s tenacious, I’ll give her that. ‘Still a no from me. Ideally, I’d love to follow my dreams, and they aren’t here at Astor.’
‘What will you do instead?’ Mum asks.
‘Well, that I don’t know. We managed to get enough members to save Willow Grove library, but then I got into a spot of bother.’ I tell them about the notes and the potential threat of an exposé by Finn.
I wait for her to shriek. But she doesn’t. ‘Let’s get one of our own reporters ready with a rebuttal. We’ll spin it exactly the way it played out. You wanted to save a small-town library but you knew no one would take you seriously if you used the Astor name, so you used your real surname in order to achieve your goal. It was an experiment and it worked, and you hope to see People Libraries popping up all over the world.’
I give her a warm smile. Who knew my mother had a heart this big? We’ve got a long way to go but it’s a good start. ‘Thanks, Mum. I like that idea. I can work with one of our reporters and help flesh it out so it’s ready to go when we need it.’
She takes out her phone and scrolls through her contacts. ‘I suggest using Roger. He’s the best one for this. You’ve got his email?’
‘Yes, I have. Thank you.’
‘So what next then, Elodie?’ Teddy asks.
I contemplate it, but it’s an easy choice. ‘I’m going to get a job in another library, somewhere, somehow. I’m going to rent a cottage and make it mine. And I’m going to spend time at the weekends reading until an entire day slips away.’ I grin at Mother.
‘We hope you’ll still visit,’ she says.
‘Always, and I hope you’ll visit me. I can make a mean frozen pizza.’
‘We can eat beforehand, I suppose,’ she says and laughs.
And just like that I’m finally free. It’s all thanks to the People Library showing me the way …
Chapter 27
MARY
‘Jacques saved me, really he did. Before I met him I was in a toxic relationship, and each day it grew worse. The air was electric with tension that only I could feel. I’d wait for it, the put-downs, the snide comments, the gaslighting. I kept picturing the rest of my life, and a feeling of dread would sit heavily in my heart. When he began screaming his insults, I knew I had to leave. It escalates, doesn’t it? Once the screaming didn’t have the same effect, it’d be his fists and then where would I be? I had to get away from him, but first I had to plan it so I could make a clean break. I did some extra waitressing shifts, saved my pennies. When I had enough I hightailed it out of there. Did a bit of solo travelling, picked up some work along the way.
‘I’d been gone about a year when I met Jacques on a Contiki tour. I was still so wary. The last thing I wanted to do was get in too deep with another man – what if he was the same and then I had to run again? But Jacques had this quiet persona. He was so patient, so gentle that I figured I deserved to be loved. Deserved to at least give it a shot. I couldn’t spend my life running from people who show me any affection. We started dating.Things progressed slowly, while others around us were hooking up left, right and centre – you know the phrase: what happens on a Contiki tour, stays on a Contiki tour!
‘But Jacques was different. He took it slow, he romanced me. He borrowed a kitchen in some guy’s house in Mexico of all places and made me a proper French meal. You can fall in love with someone that quickly. It was the way he showered me with love, expressed through his food. Jacques isn’t a man of many words, but I know he loves me more than anything. Instead of saying the wordsI love you, until they have no meaning, he’ll bake me brioche, even though he’s worked late in the restaurant. Or he’ll bake profiteroles for my birthday and write love notes on glazed opera cakes. That’s the way he says it, byshowingme. I’m the opposite. I’ll scream it from the rooftops. I shake him awake and jump on him to get his attention.
