AllFreeNovel
Share Us
‘Being the oldest child, I felt like I had to step up and look after us all as best as I could. I had to protect them until I could get us all out of that cycle of poverty, of witnessing addiction before they fell into that trap too.
‘While working two jobs I put myself through university and would then go home to cook and clean, make sure the girls were doing their homework. I’d iron their clothes and ask them to wash their hair. I wanted them to look presentable, to look like despite everything, our little family had it together. In the small town we lived in, everyone knew our mum and her struggles. She made great fodder for gossip. But not a single person ever reached out to help,to offer support – anything that might have made a difference. Instead, she was ridiculed as a cautionary tale. So, I made damn sure my sisters had everything they needed and weren’t neglected in any way. Their lives were tough, carrying around the burden of that name, but they were tough too and they got through it.
‘I finished top of my class at university. The job offers came rolling in. Prestigious newspapers wanted to hire me and I was so very tempted. My sisters urged me to take the job of my dreams in London but how could I? They were still in school, my baby sister in primary school at that point. I couldn’t uproot them, and how would we all survive living in London together? The starter salary wouldn’t stretch far enough to support that. And I couldn’t leave them with Mum – not full-time. It wasn’t safe.
‘Instead, I bumbled around freelancing until I took the job at theChronicleat Willow Grove. When the baby of the family went off to university, I knew I could follow my own dream once more. There’d be time now for me. The girls all have their own lives and are safe and secure.
‘But I found my dreams had changed. The little town of Willow Grove has grown on me so much I don’twantto pursue a job elsewhere. Why would I want to leave and fly around the world when everything I need is right there? That’s the thing about dreams – they shift as you grow. I only have to look at my sisters and know those sacrifices I made weren’t really sacrifices, they were my path and it led me to this point where I feel like I belong.
‘People know my surname but they don’t know my story so maybe it’s time I rectified that. It’s not that I’m ashamed of my past,not at all; it’s that inherent need to protect my sisters that keeps me from sharing. After the success of the People Library, I see now that if we all spoke up more, if we stood up for the underdog, if we opened our own hearts then the world wouldn’t be such a lonely place. My mum was so lonely her whole life, despite being surrounded by people. Her addictions drove her and she was stuck in that loop of guilt, fear and shame. That stigma that surrounded her. We never gave up on her, because we knew her heart, but society did. Would things have been different if someone,anyonehad given her a helping hand? When she died, I was so conflicted but mostly I felt like she was free of that pain, that torment that drove her to drugs. I felt like she’d have a new beginning, whatever the next stage is after death. That was enough for me, to know that.
‘And what I’ve learned is, you can’t change the past, but you can change the future. Now all I want is the woman I love to know I’dneverbetray her trust, not ever. And she’s got a whole town of people ready and willing to keep her secret if that’s what she wants. Because that’s what friends are for …’
‘Jesus, take the wheel,’ Teddy says through glassy eyes as he clears his throat. ‘If that didn’t move you, Ellie, nothing will. I need to visit this People Library and borrow them all. Good luck, you two. I’ve got a date with Louise tonight, so I need to get my preparations started. She loves a man with a manicure apparently.’
‘She does?’ I laugh, thrilled for him. I wonder what’s brought on her change of heart? Teddy showing her he’s just as ambitious as she is? That he really is capable of settling down? Whatever it is, I’m pleased for Teddy. Louise is a gem.
Teddy says his goodbyes. When he shuts the front door behind him I turn to Finn.‘Thank you for sharing your story.’ I struggle to find the right words. He’s been through so much and you’d never guess such a thing. It makes sense now why he judged my life, the life he thought I had when he watched Mum’s TV interview. He had to fight so damn hard for the most basic needs and to do that and go on to university and for the girls to have such happy, healthy futures too – it’s a real testament to the man he is. ‘I’m so sorry you went through all of that but it made you into the man you are today.’ What can I say? I don’t want to sound trite or drown him in platitudes. He’s too good for that.
He gives me a what-can-you-do shrug but I know he’ll always play it down. That’s Finn, always more concerned about everyone else first. ‘And I’m sorry that I thought you’d expose me. It’s always something I’ve had to worry about. People befriending me for disingenuous reasons. It was so utterly liberating to be someone else in Willow Grove, and work under my own steam. But I feel like I’ve let everyone down, hiding under the pretence of being someone I’m not. Asking for their trust when I wasn’t being honest myself.’
‘That’s just the thing, Elodie. You have been your true self in Willow Grove all along. You weren’t lying; your name really is Elodie Halifax! I know you’re genuine in your reasons. You didn’t lie to me, to any of us. You can’t fake what we have. I feel it deep in my soul that you’re the one for me and I don’t give a damn what name you use.’
‘You’re too good for me, Finn.’
‘You haven’t met my crazy family yet. They just might scare you off.’
I scoff. I bet they’re just as lovely as he is. ‘They’re lucky to have a brother like you.I bet you shielded them from the worst of it.’
‘I’m the lucky one. Without them, maybe I’d have gone off the rails. They are a handful and constantly call, text and email me but they do give good advice about matters of the heart.’
‘They do? What did they say aboutthissituation?’
He lets out a sigh as if recalling their advice. ‘They told me to find you and explain and if that included hiring a blimp and flying it across the sky then that’s the level I had to go to, to make things right. They understood why you jumped to conclusions, and they said I should have told you about the notes as soon as I knew of their existence. My keeping them secret was a mistake. Selfishly, I didn’t want to scare you off. I thought I could make it all go away and no one would have to be any the wiser. After, I did a bit of googling into the Astor family, I understood implicitly, that just like me, you wanted to be your own person away from what society thought they knew about you.’
‘How did you know that, Finn?’
‘It was your smile in all the press pictures, so wooden, so fixed. The blank stare in your eyes. That’s not the Elodie I know. The Elodie whose whole face lights up when she talks about books she loves, ideas for the library, the human books. That woman looks for all the world like she’s discovered Narnia.’
Only Finn would read so much into photos of me and be able to translate their meanings as well as he has. Is it because his soul recognises mine? It feels as deep and spiritual as that.
‘Really,’ he says. ‘We’re not so different after all.’
He’s right. We’ve both tried to escape the narratives of our surnames, those long twisty tales that were whispered behind closed doors,exaggerated, aberrations of the truth. I might have been running away from privilege and he from poverty, but the ends are the same. It’s true: you can never judge a book by its cover. I knew Finn was a great brother, almost a paternal figure in his sisters’ lives but I never would have guessed he put his own dreams on hold to make theirs come true.
‘I feel like all these paths led me to you. I stumbled into Willow Grove for that very reason. Not just for the library, for the escape, but for you. You are the missing piece.’ I remember of all his romantic overtures, the way he breathes life into me when we kiss. And I know I’ve found the one for me. All the walls around my heart dissolve and I know by letting go of what came before, that what comes next will be authentic.
‘That’s finally been found.’ He takes me into his arms and makes me forget about the world and everyone in it. Breathless when we finally pull away he says, ‘So will you come back to Willow Grove?’
‘I’ve got a library to finish saving, haven’t I?’
ELODIE
‘I’m sorry I lied, I truly am. But there’s good reason for it. My life had been orchestrated ever since I stepped foot in the offices of Astor News and Media, even before then if I’m honest. Everything was always about how we Astors were viewed.Don’t do that: the press will take pictures. Don’t say that: it’s bad for optics.And on it went until the real me shrivelled up and died and instead I became this mannequin who’d smile for the cameras and say all the right things, while the real me had slipped away.Like our other human books, I felt that even though I wasright there, no one could see me. I played the part so often I forgot who I was and what I wanted. It became robotic. And I lost my way.
‘My escape was books, always has been. That’s the place I go to feel alive. It shores me up, comforts me and gives me hope. If those characters can overcome adversity, then maybe I can too. You can imagine my excitement when the opportunity arose to save Willow Grove library … It was like fate had intervened.
‘I’ve always believed library cards are a portal into another world and this was going to be my chance to prove it. My life was so colourless before I came here. When the People Library experiment began to have some impact, I felt as though maybe I’d found my place in the world. Icando something meaningful, Icanhelp in some small way. I so desperately wanted to live the life I always dreamed of. Work for a living, learn to cook, to drive – all those simple things people take for granted seemed wildly exotic to me. And yes, cooking is quite the chore, but I know I’ve got Sofia right there ready to spoil me with Michelin-star-worthy meals if I can’t take one more frozen pizza. I’ve got Harry to chat about books with. I’ve got Pete, teaching me how to grow my own herb garden. And I’ve got little Alfie to make a grey day blue. And I’ve got all of you, if you’ll have me?
