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When I blink, she’s gone. Luca’s holding me in his arms, trying to stop the bleeding. I think I tell him not to cry, but I’m not sure if the words are just in my head. I don’t hate him any more. I’m not even angry.
You have to pay it forward, Alexa, like I’m doing. You have to forgive. That’s the deal you’ve done with the universe.
I have no regrets. I knew coming here was a risk, but I made my choice a long time ago.
I chose Lottie.
HIDDENHEARTBREAK OF LOST GRANDPARENTS
COMMENTARY by Emma Donovan
THE love between a grandchild and their grandparent is often the sweetest and most precious bond a child can know, untainted by the arguments and stresses of everyday family life.
But it can also be a hidden source of agony.
As we rightly celebrate the miraculous safe return of Lottie Martini, 6, snatched from a wedding in Florida more than two years ago by her estranged Italian grandmother, we should spare a moment to consider the grief of a woman driven to take such extreme measures.
Of course, no one condones 77-year-old Elena Martini’s actions for a moment. It’s impossible to imagine the suffering that Lottie’s mother, Alexa, 31, endured, not knowing if her cherished only daughter was alive or dead.
But if this tragic story teaches us anything, it’s that the importance of the bond between grandparent and child cannot be understated.
Every child should have the right to access to their wider family, especially their grandparents, unless there is good reason to keep them apart to protect the child.
Across Britain, thousands of grannies and granddads are denied access to their grandchildren, creating a hidden well of heartbreak.
Many are the collateral damage of divorce – especially if they’re the father’s parents. For many isolated older people, particularly if they’ve been bereaved, grandchildren are literally a lifeline.
When they lose touch with those children, they feel they’ve lost everything.
Exclusion
Even in the happiest of families, the delicate mother-in-law/daughter-in-law relationship can be complex and sometimes competitive.
If it comes to a fight, the younger woman will always win, armed with the ultimate weapon – exclusion.
The sad fact is, in the event of a family breakdown, grandparents have no legal rights. Even if they can afford to hire a solicitor to take their case to Family Court, it’s a long and costly process.
Little wonder many become so desperate they consider ending their lives. Some describe the estrangement from their grandchildren as a ‘living bereavement’.
Elena Martini’s son, Luca, became Lottie’s primary carer following his divorce from her mother, in February 2018.
He took his daughter to see her grandparents in Italy at least once a month, until his tragic death in the Genoa bridge collapse in August that year.
No doubt struggling with her own grief, Alexa Martini then broke off all contact with Luca’s parents, driving Mrs Martini to take matters into her own hands.
For the Martinis, it’s too late to call a truce, but for so many other families, surely it is not beyond hope that peace could be declared?
After all, in these cruel family conflicts the victims, as they are in so many wars, are the children.
