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11.
GABI SAT ON THElow wall of the fountain and turned her face to the sun. Her pulse raced, and her insides vibrated like soda inside a cocktail shaker as she thought about Aisha. She couldn’t remember feeling this nervous and excited when she’d first met Shay, so that was a positive. When Shay had walked out on her, she’d felt the pain that came with rejection and worse still, being taken for a fool, but she hadn’t missed her. The one-night stands had masked the loneliness that had haunted her since childhood in a way that her relationships hadn’t, but she’d also come to dislike herself, because she wanted the stability of being with one woman in a loving relationship.
She’d thought about Aisha a lot since that first night, and although seeing her at the market and spending time with her yesterday had felt awkward, she was sure they’d connected. The music, the dancing, the food, the wine, the place. It was all very dreamy, and Granada was a beautiful city, but there was something else. She felt more at ease now that she wasn’t hunting Nana down every five seconds. It was as if her history here had laid down roots for her to connect with, as if she were a part of this place she hadn’t known before. It didn’t make sense. It was a feeling of belonging, and maybe it wasn’t hers at all. Maybe it was Nana’s, and she’d somehow tuned into it.
It was nuts feeling the way she did about a stranger, and maybe she was in danger of making the mistakes she’d made before, thinking she was in love when really it wasn’t love at all, but she couldn’t lie. She felt crazy, bonkers, and a little intimidated, so this had to be different from Shay, and the one-nighters didn’t count for anything.
As time moved on, she became edgy and wandered around the tiny square. It wasn’t difficult to be seen, so Aisha couldn’t miss her. She studied the Los Patos sign on the wall of a house, even though she knew she was in the right place. She’d walked the route three times from the hotel yesterday, and she’d arrived at 10:45 a.m. even with picking up a coffee on the route. The Spanish had a more laidback attitude to time, so being late was probably just the norm.
That didn’t stop Gabi questioning if she’d completely misread Aisha’s intentions, blinded by her own confused feelings. Her stomach tightened at the thought of being stood up. Had she pushed Aisha to say yes? She didn’t think so. Aisha must have got caught up somewhere. Gabi didn’t know which voice inside her head was right, but she knew which one she wanted to believe. She’d give Aisha a bit longer.
She looked towards each entrance to the square in turn as the minutes ticked by. Every second reminded her of feeling invisible, just as she was as a child at Nana’s, watching the pendulum of the grandfather clock tick, not knowing, tock, waiting. Her dad’s voice raised in anger. She felt it now, the gut wrenching feeling of being ignored while being talked about, when all she’d wanted was for him to hold her and tell her she’d be okay.
Time moved slowly. Half an hour slipped into forty-five minutes. She’d been fooled, like she was with Shay. Stupid, stupid, stupid, Gabi. That voice in her head, that didn’t like her too much, had taken hold and the thoughts tripped convincingly through her mind. She shouldn’t have come on the damn trip, and she should never have fooled herself into thinking that she had anything to offer someone as beautiful as Aisha.
She folded her arms to protect her aching heart and strode back and forth, the weight of disappointment dragging at her feet and the emptiness inside expanding. It could consume her and still she couldn’t bring herself to walk away, because she didn’t want to admit the truth. Aisha wasn’t coming.
She sat on the ground at the base of the fountain, closed her eyes, and gritted her teeth to stem the tears. The let-down was worse because the anticipation had been electrifying. Gabi tapped her watch face. It couldn’t be 12:15 p.m. already. Should she give Aisha another half an hour? She couldn’t leave yet.
She’d been naïve, again, thinking things were different this time, here, with a woman she didn’t even know. Logic was screaming at her to wake up. Walk away and don’t look back. But logic paled against her heart’s will and left her sat next to a flowing fountain of tears. How many coins would she need to throw in for her wish to come true? She wasn’t the first person in the world to have been stood up or dumped in such a romantic setting.
The ache in her chest deepened, and she thought again about her mum, the absence of her and what she must have missed, and the tears rolled down her cheeks. The child in her wanted to be held and comforted, but as had always been the case, her mum wasn’t there to take away her pain. The voice that had tricked her thoughts about Aisha subsided and the intense sadness eased, leaving her feeling weak and raw.
The walk back to the hotel was long, and when Nana greeted her with a gust of enthusiasm, it didn’t even take a chip off her despondency.
“I was just coming to find you. What’s wrong, Gabriela?”
“Nothing.”
“Ah. Are you sure, cariño? Come and have lunch with me by the pool. We can chat, or maybe a swim will help.”
She wasn’t hungry but the idea of soaking her head in water to cool the burning behind her eyes wasn’t such a bad idea. “Sure.”
Nana picked up her handbag. “Get your swimsuit on.”
Gabi did as she was told, and they made their way to the roof via the hotel reception, where Nana insisted on informing every member of the staff of their lunch plans. She was always so chatty, and the staff seemed to love giving her their attention. The receptionist that Gabi had almost assaulted when she’d thought Nana was in trouble plucked a purple flower from the vase on the desk and handed it to Nana.
“If there is anything we can help you with, please ask,” he said.
Gabi followed Nana into the lift and crossed her arms.
“Would you like to go to a flamenco show one evening? In Sacromonte? That will cheer you up,” Nana said as the lift set off.
“If you want.” Gabi watched the floor numbers light up. She didn’t want to go to Sacromonte. She didn’t want to run into Aisha just in case Aisha had changed her mind. She couldn’t think clearly. Her chin trembled. It took all her effort not to cry again.
“I thought you enjoyed the dancing at the square,” Nana said.
“I did, but there’s loads of other stuff you want to do,” Gabi said.
“How about a visit to the Alhambra?”
“Sure.” Gabi’s optimism had drowned at the fountain, and her lack of enthusiasm came through loud and clear. The sadness that thinking about her mum had elicited was confusing. The feeling was new and the intensity unexpected, and she didn’t know what to do with it to make it go away. She took a deep breath and smiled, though Nana’s deepening frown suggested she hadn’t been fooled.
They reached the pool area, and Nana made her way to the bar to order a selection of tapas. Gabi stripped off her shorts and T-shirt and jumped into the water. She swam to the bottom and tried to sit there, doing her best to burst her lungs. It was impossible. Against her will, she floated to the surface and gasped for air. The ache in her chest was of her own making, and she felt stronger for taking back an element of control. She knocked out a few lengths to vent off some steam, then stepped out of the pool and joined Nana.
“I got you a beer,” Nana said. She took a sip of her sherry and sighed. “Do you know this was the first and only alcoholic drink I ever had before we escaped to England. I was given a small glass that last Christmas to celebrate our journey and new life. Pedro Ximenez is without doubt the best sherry in the world.”
“Do you still miss your parents?” Gabi asked and dried herself down. She sat in the seat next to Nana and flicked her fingers through her hair to style it.
