Page 46 of My Kind of Monster


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“And you do?!” her tone grows stronger.

With a slight grin on my lips, I bring my free hand to her frail throat, cupping the sides and squeezing. My thumb tilts her head to the right and I bend my head, all but touching her ear.

“Yes. When you screamed in that forest for the first time, your demons wailed and mine responded to the call. That was the moment your life became mine, little siren. Do not mistaken my actions for kindness.”

I can feel her pulse getting faster under the touch of my palm. She doesn’t falter, but her heart betrays her.

“Who hurt you?!” her sassy tone comes forth.

I squeeze her middle closer to my body. I know her bruised body must hurt already, maybe she just needs a slight reminder that it can hurt even more. “What makes you think someone hurt me, little siren?” my tone grows rougher.

“This incessant need for violence… it must have come from somewhere,” she says as her body relaxes into my violent touch.

“Some monsters are not made, Suki. Some monsters are born.”

SUKI

Yes… some monsters are born. I already know this, don’t I?

I have seen the demons in my mother… I see them every time I look in the mirror. No matter how much I do not want this to be true, some people are indeed born evil.

He holds me pressed to his chest, my head tilted to the side and I should squirm, I should fight, but I do not, because yet again, my life is literally in his hands and I feel... free. He takes my free will, he takes my power, he takes my control and gives me pure freedom instead. I cannot make sense of it, but there’s a sweet release that I feel deep within my core, release of everything that I am and everything I can become. I feel like anything can happen and I do not even have to bother deciding what.

I smile as his thumb moves slowly up and down my throat, and I just stare out the picture window, admiring the starry sky, the same color as his eyes.

“Suki…”

He says my name in that low vibrating voice, and I sink into every sound that leaves his mouth.

“Why did you kill your mother?”

I knew this question would come eventually. Yes, my mother killed my baby brother, my father, and my stepmother. However, even though I would be justified to kill her in retaliation… she wasmy mother. I was expecting him to catch on, but that does not mean I am ready to strip my soul for him.

“Because she killed my family,” I respond in a calm, even tone.

“Suki…” his tone is a warning, his hand squeezing my throat ever so slightly.

“Because she killed my family!” my tone more urgent.

This time he squeezes my throat harder without saying anything else, constricting my airways just enough to convince me.

“Niklas…” He squeezes for a few more seconds and I hear him inhale deeply, his nose buried in my hair. I close my eyes just for a second, allowing myself to enjoy the strange intimacy—his hand on my throat, his nose in my hair, the smile on my face. He releases me and my head falls to the side.

I cannot read him. I do not understand his actions half the time. Almost like he wants something but refuses to admit it to me… or himself. His touch speaks louder than words though, I just need to learn his language.

“My dad… he worked so much to support us, to give us all we needed. He loved her so much… and she, my mother… she shit on everything he did.” I sigh… I am not sure if I am getting off this mountain alive anyway, so what difference does it make if I bare my soul to him and puke out the cruelty?

At least this way there will be one person in this world to truly know me… even after I am gone, even if he will be the one to end me.

“I do not remember a time my mother acted like a mother. She beat those memories out of me, ripped me open and burned it all to the ground. She had a drug problem,” I continue, “and not enough money to sustain her cravings. When she was high, the world was okay… when she was coming down… I had to hide. When she was in withdrawal with no way of getting the drugs… there was nowhere for me to run. She beat me, countless times, for years. She told me she would kill me if I told dad… I believed her. I was a child, it all happened before I was even ten years old.” I inhale a centering breath.

“She fucked men for drugs… I was in the house most times it happened. One of those times… he wanted more, her old-ass pussy was not enough.” I feel Niklas’ arm around my ribs tensing. Somehow I know he does not intend to hurt me, he is just… holding me… or onto me. I sink into the feeling...

“Did he…?” he tentatively asks almost in a whisper, unsure if he truly wants the answer.

“No. He got close… but then my mother had this rare moment of clarity and stopped him. It was short lived because after he left without giving her the drugs she needed, she took it out on me. She was so careful every time, she never hit me where dad would see it, but finally, one day he actually caught her. Came home early… saw it all… He never forgave himself, until the day he died, he never forgave himself for what she did to me and the fact that he was blind to it for so many years.”

“Did you blame him?”

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