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I curse myself for not recognizing her, but then again, how could I? That alley was so fucking dark, all I could see were shapes and her bright fucking eyes that shined even in that darkness. This connection... this... I can't help it, how can I not believe in fate when it hits me in the gut like this? She's mine, my banshee, my siren, my awakening... she helped bring forth all that I am, she cracked the fucking walls and the monster broke through for her and her alone.
Nothing, not even the games I played in school, in Uni, with my ex, nothing helped and now I understand why. I understand why it’s her.
She wasn't just my siren, she wasn't just the one that gave me the taste of fear that I needed, she was the catalyst to the violence that I craved. I bled for her that night. I almost killed because of and for her. I pushed that sack of shit to the brink of death as she watched in delight.
She isn't just my siren. She's my fucking demon queen.
I finally get up, but my eyes are still following hers.
“What have you been doing inside?” I finally turn from her and return to my latest wood carving project. There's a tension in the air, but then again, after this revelation, there is no other way. Laughing helped though.
“Reading. There is not much to do around here.”
“There's always something to do around here,” I say, laughing. “Unfortunately, you don't have the right clothes for everything that should be done.”
“What do you mean? What is there to do?” She's inquisitive, sounding genuinely interested.
“It's a house in the dead of winter, there's a lot to do. Even if it's bringing in supplies, like meats and cans from the cold storage, chopping wood, maintaining the heating system.”
“I do not mind helping Niklas... it will make me feel a little bit better...”
Her body language shifts, her muscles tense ever so slightly, and I have a feeling she's thinking about her current situation again. About being trapped here, on this mountain... with me. After what we've just found out about ourselves, I can't help but feel a little bit... actually, I don't know what I feel. Mainly because... I've never quite felt like this before.
I step back to put some distance between us, turning my head to the side, looking at nothing in particular. My brows furrow as I'm trying to pinpoint what the fuck is happening inside me right now. I know this situation is different, I know I told her I don't want to let her go... I know I have done or told her things that would scare the living shit out of a normal woman. But Suki is not a normal woman, and this is not a normal situation. And what we share... this connection that unbeknownst to us, spread over years, means something.
For fuck’s sake, this means something! It has to mean something to her as well... not just me!
Is this how it feels to be hurt by someone?
I'm not asking her what she means by wanting to feel a bit better. I don't want to acknowledge it and fuel that fucking idea. “There's not much you can do, unfortunately, we don't have appropriate clothes for you just yet. After Connor comes though, you can help me as much as you want.”
Her stance shifts. She relaxes, yet I swear I can see the wheels spinning in her head. She's a cunning little siren. I know she is. No matter what, I need to make sure I don't underestimate her, for her sake more than mine. She seems to have a knack at putting herself in dangerous situations with men, no fucking way I'm letting her get into another one.
I know for a fact that if she leaves this place, her cravings will lead her to seek danger again, there is no way she can stay away from it. Wouldn't it be better if her cravings could be met right here... by me?
“Connor, yes. Okay. Can I sit here with you?” I cock my head as I watch her gently sit on the bench. “I brought my book.” She shows it me.
“Sure. There's a couple of furs in that corner.” I point to a basket. “Lay them on the bench, get comfortable.”
She nods and does as suggested, only she spots the fire and makes a little nest in front of the fireplace. I carry on carving the baroque inspired piece that I was working on when she came in.
Every few minutes, my eyes are stolen by her, curled in front of the fire, wrapped in animal furs, reading her book. This is quite an image, something I could and most definitely want to get used to. Like everything else involving her, it fits.
This thought lives rent free in my head now and nothing can pry it out. She fits in my world, and I can fucking guarantee that she knows this, no matter how much she will fight and deny it.
She fucking fits.
“So, did you kill all these animals I'm lying on?” she interrupts my train of thought, and I realize I was still staring at her.
“Most of them. Some I bought when I moved here. Down in Bear Creek, they hold all sorts of markets when spring comes. When I moved here, there was much I had to learn. Skinning, drying, and preparing hides was not something I knew. So some of them are the work of locals.”
“That is nice. Markets...” she trails off, lost in thought. “How big is Bear Creek?”
“Small, real small. Maybe a couple of thousand people. Barely a town.”
“Oh, wow, that is small. Doesn't it feel strange... you can be invisible in the big city, but here, here everyone can know your business. What if someone finds out...”
“About me?” I can't help but laugh. “No. I take my business elsewhere. And if... business comes up in town, I pass it on to Connor.”
