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“I’m not going to the game, Con.”
“That’s not what I was going to ask you. Some of our old friends are coming back to hang out after. I was hoping you might want to come?”
“At the house? Are you sure that’s a good idea, with Cole still recovering?”
“Actually, he’ll be at the game.”
“He’s playing?” I gasp.
“No, silly. No way Coach Miller would allow it. But Cole wants to be there to support the team, so we’re all going.”
A pang of dejection shoots through me. Not so long ago, I was one of them. The Jagger brothers, Remi…and me. But now I’m back to being on the periphery.
“That’ll be nice,” I say quietly.
“You could always come—”
“No, the four of you should go. Cole doesn’t want me around, an
d I get it. I’m a trigger.”
“Hadley, that’s not—”
“It’s okay.” My lips curve into a sad smile. “Some things aren’t supposed to be.”
“You really believe that?” Conner side-eyes me as he tries to find a parking spot near the coffee shop.
“I’m tired, Conner. I’m tired of always being disappointed, of being abandoned. I keep telling myself it’s not me, that’s it just life testing me. But honestly, I don’t know how much more I can take. All I want to do is get through the rest of senior year, graduate, and then get far away from here.”
“You’re really doing it, huh? You’re going to apply to go to school out of state?”
“I think so.”
I’d met with the guidance counselor this week to go over my options. She’s concerned about my recent absences and the fact that I’ve quit the cheer squad, but my GPA is good, and I have options. I’ll need a full ride to even stand a chance of making it work, but Miss Jones has offered to help me with the applications.
Conner cuts the engine and twists his body to me. “I know he hurt you, and I know he doesn’t deserve you to give him another chance, but this time is different. If you just—”
“Conner, stop. I care about Cole, I do. But I’m beginning to wonder if what we had was ever real love. I’m glad he’s okay, and I really hope he finds what he’s looking for. But I think we’ve all learned that I’m not it.” I shoulder the door and climb out, not stopping when he calls after me.
Tears prick my eyes, but I don’t let them fall. Cole isn’t the only one changed by everything that’s happened. I am too. I can’t really explain it, but since losing the baby, since losing Cole and cutting off my parents, something has shifted inside me.
The future isn’t going to be easy. I have no family, no trust fund or allowance. But I have my fight and determination.
I’ve survived too much to give up now.
Cole Jagger might have broken my heart, but I’m still standing.
I’m still here.
And I have to believe there’s something better out there for me.
Java Beans is a popular spot with the elite of Sterling Bay. The place is full of immaculately dressed couples looking to sample one of the nine specialty coffees, young professionals meeting after a long day at the office, and even a student or two, huddled over their laptops while sipping on their iced mochas.
Hilary, the owner, spent an hour with me earlier showing me the ropes, but since it’s getting quieter, I’ve been going at it alone for the last thirty minutes. Delivering orders, collecting empties, wiping down tables, and straightening furniture. It’s all fairly simple stuff, until I learn the cash register next week. But keeping myself busy, having something new to think about, is a good thing. It takes my mind off the constant heartache.
“Easy, right?” She winks as I shoulder the swing door to drop off a tray of used mugs.
“I think I’m getting the hang of it.”
