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Knowing he won’t budge, I slide into the car and buckle up. Conner joins me a couple of seconds later, and the engine purrs beneath us.
“I really love this car,” he murmurs, and I roll my eyes. “What? She’s a beauty.”
“It’s a car.”
“You say car, I say exquisite machine.”
“You’re so freaking weird sometimes.”
The scenery spins, turning into the familiar coastal road leading to the school, but Conner takes a turn.
“Hmm, where are you going?”
“Don’t you trust me, Dove?” He grins.
“No, no I don’t. And I really wish you’d stop calling me that.”
His expression falls. “He needs you, Hadley.”
“Conner, you promised...”
The last place I want to go is to the party. I’m not ready... I’m not sure I’ll ever be ready.
Over the last few days, I’ve pushed everything that happened down. It’s a survival instinct. Now I have no financial cushion, I’m alone in the world. I can’t afford to lose myself again, not now. Not when I’ve come so far.
“Please, Hadley. I wouldn’t do this unless—“
“I hate you.” I turn away from him, touching my head against the cool glass.
I don’t hate Conner. He just wants to fix his brother, and I get it, I do. But I can’t be that for Cole again.
He lets out a heavy sigh, and says ten little words that make my heart sink, “I’ll take that, if it means you’ll hear him out.”
I don’t get out of the car.
It’s silly, I know. But it’s like being here, in Cole’s territory, the very place he tried to... I can’t be here.
“I need you to take me back, Conner,” I plead.
“Just give him ten minutes, please, Hads. For me.”
“I can’t.” I blink away the tears threatening to fall. “You shouldn’t have brought me here.” My voice cracks, and I sense Conner’s panic.
“Hey, are you okay?” His hand lands on my arm. “I didn’t want to upset you.”
“I just can’t,” I repeat the words, trying to breathe deeply to get air into my lungs. I feel like I can’t breathe, imagining Cole lying there, lifeless on his bed, surrounded by pills and liquor.
“Just breathe,” he says, stroking my arm. “I need you, out front now.” I don’t know who he’s talking to, but I really hope it isn’t Cole.
“Hadley, look at me.” Conner slides his hand under my jaw and tilts my face to his. “You need to breathe.”
“I-I can’t... my lungs, they feel—“
The driver’s door opens and Remi appears. “What the hell happened?”
“I think she’s having a panic attack.”
“Get out, let me sit with her.”
