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Conner eases me back into the seat and switches with Remi. “Hey.” She takes my hand in hers. “It’s me. Want to tell me what’s happening?”
I sniffle, trying to catch my breath. “I-I can’t go in there. Not where he...”
“Shh, Cole is okay, Hadley. He’s out back, laughing and joking with Ace and the guys.”
“H-he is?” I drag in a ragged breath, and she nods.
“He still has a long way to go, but Cole made a mistake. He knows that. He was hurting. He didn’t really want to... die.”
Pain flashes through me as I sob harder.
“Hey, come here.” Remi leans over and pulls me into her arms. “I’m right here. Let it all out.” She rubs my back in soothing circles.
“I didn’t want to come here. I’m not ready.”
“I know.” Remi holds me at arm’s length. “And I’ll kick Conner’s ass for bringing you here. But now you are here, do you want to come inside? We can hang out in the main house, we don’t even have to—”
Movement in the corner of my eye catches my attention, and I turn slowly to find Cole standing there.
A shiver runs through me and Remi murmurs something under her breath. “Maybe I should take you home.”
But I can’t tear my eyes off Cole. He looks good in his ripped jeans and Seahawks jersey. There’s a five o’clock shadow over his jaw, and his eyes burn into me... but something feels different.
The electricity I’ve always felt around Cole is still there, but it’s running on a lower frequency.
“I...” I should go. Far, far away from here.
Away from him.
But I can’t do it. I can’t leave when he’s standing there, looking at me with so much regret and shame it steals my breath all over again.
“It’s okay,” I say to Remi. “I’ll be okay.”
“I’ll be right here if you need me... well, not right here, but you know what I mean.”
“Thank you.”
She gives me an understanding smile and climbs out of the car, making her way over to Cole. Remi says something and Cole nods, anguish written all over his face. She disappears into the house, and he just stands there.
I suck in a shaky breath, waiting. My skin vibrates, my stomach a tight ball of nerves. Cole eventually moves, slowly walking toward the car. With every step he takes, my chest constricts.
He folds his big body into the car and lets out a small breath. “Hi,” he says, tension swirling around us.
&nb
sp; “Hi.” I wind my hands together, needing the distraction.
“How have you been?”
“Okay, I guess.”
It’s like we’re strangers, reuniting after a long time apart. Awkwardness seeps into the space between us. And I hate it. I hate what we’ve become to each other.
“You look good,” I say, wanting to fill the silence.
“I’m... shit, Hadley. I’m sorry. I’m so fucking sorry.” He goes to reach for my hands but quickly stops himself. “I need you to know I didn’t do it because I wanted to...” He can’t say the word, and I’m relieved. “I just needed it to stop. The pain and disappointment, the constant feeling of never being good enough. I needed it all to stop.”
“I lost him too, Cole.” My voice wavers.
