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The terrified, traumatized look on her face as she ran from the bathroom banished the fury that exploded within me at discovering she’s been texting him.
I saw red. The thought of her being taken away from me after everything we’ve been through. The image of her running back to her old life, the wealth, the privilege, fuck, even now it sends a shot of anger and desperation straight through me.
“Hadley, please. I’m s-sorry. I went too far. I’m sorry.”
The silent seconds tick by before her shaky voice filters through the door.
“Just go, Cole.”
“Go?” I ask, shocked by her request, although really, after what went down, I shouldn’t be. I don’t really want to be with myself right now, so I can’t imagine how she feels. “Go where?”
“I don’t care. Just… just away from m-me.” Her voice cracks, making my chest ache.
Dropping my forehead to the door, I drag in two deep lungfuls of air as I try to get my head together.
“Hadley, please. Just come out, talk to me. I’m sorry.”
“It’s not enough, Cole. Just leave.”
“Fuck,” I bark, slamming my fist down on the door. Her scared shriek comes through, and I curse myself once more for fucking this up.
I shouldn’t have looked. I knew that before I did it. I should have trusted her. Trusted her to do the right thing, to tell me when she was ready. I should have believed that when she told me she loved me that she meant it.
But I didn’t. I shattered all of that with one bad decision and my need to make her hurt like I hurt.
Pushing from the door, I shove my feet into my boots and pull my hoodie on.
“This isn’t over, Hadley. You can’t hide in there forever.” My warning hangs heavy in the room for a beat, but when she doesn’t respond, I wrench the door open and storm through it.
I’m out of the hotel and halfway down the street before I so much as look up. My head spins, my chest aches while her scent continues to taunt me.
My fingers twitch to feel a bottle, and my body craves the mind-numbing bliss I find at the bottom of one. I look down the street, searching for somewhere I can get something.
There’s a blue neon sign for a store up ahead. I have no idea what the store is, but I go that way. I need to forget the last thirty minutes of my life. I need to push aside what a total fuck-up I am.
Hadley deserves better than me. I’ve said this from the beginning. I’ve tried to tell her, show her, but she’s always fought back.
Until tonight.
The doors to the store open as I walk up to them and make my way directly to the back, knowing that what I need will be waiting there for me.
My mouth waters to feel the burn of the vodka—hell, whatever I can get my hands on—but as I come to a stop in front of the bottles. I pause.
Tipping my head up to the ceiling, I close my eyes for a beat.
I can’t do this.
If I turn to alcohol right now, what is that showing Hadley? It just proves I’ve been right all along.
“Fuck,” I breathe, looking forward once more and backing away from the bottles that call to me.
“Shit, I’m sorry,” I mutter when I back right up into someone, causing them to drop whatever was in their hands. Packets fall to the floor, but I don’t hang around long enough to help out.
Coming to a stop at the counter, I find more alcohol tempting me from the top shelf. I should have brought some weed. The pills I hide at the back of my nightstand for when I’m desperate. But I didn’t. I came here with my ultimate addiction. I didn’t think I’d need another.
Thoughts of Hadley
still locked in the bathroom hit me, and before I know what I’m doing I’ve got a packet of smokes and a lighter in my hand and I’m ripping off the cellophane as I walk out of the store.
