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Spinning on my heel, I march out of their love shack as fast as I entered, only this time it’s to the sound of their voices as they call out to me to wait.
I have no intention of talking to anyone right now. I just need it all to disappear. I need all the pain, and grief, and the fucking ache in my chest to leave.
I blow through the house, ignoring Ellen as she tries to find out if I had a good weekend.
No. No, I didn’t have a good fucking weekend.
The only thing I stop for is James’ liquor cabinet. It’s fully stocked, as always. The stupid cunt keeps filling it up despite the fact that I empty it on almost a weekly basis. Any decent parent would clear this house out, knowing just how dependent I’m becoming on the shit.
With an armful of whatever I can carry, I head for my room. That little packet of pills I thought of yesterday are calling to me.
They are exactly what I need.
They’ll quiet the voices in my head.
They’ll make me forget.
They’ll make everything easy. Make everything go away.
And if I’m lucky, none of it will ever come back.
The contents of my drawer hit the floor, and I smile as I pull the baggie from the back.
My perfect poison.
They've been sitting there, waiting for me to need them. My last stash from the Heights. I can only hope that they’re as good as they were sold to me.
Twisting the cap off the first bottle, I fall down onto my bed. After chugging down half the contents without so much as feeling it, I tip the pills into the palm of my hand. “To oblivion,” I announce to no one as I lift the lot to my mouth and swallow them down with the remainder of the first bottle.
My stomach swirls as it tries to cope with the sudden barrage of alcohol, but after a few minutes, it starts to take effect and I reach for the second.
Everything I touch turns to hell. I ruin everything, taint lives, take lives, hurt those I love.
It’s time for the torture to end.
It’s not until the third or fourth bottle that everything starts to get hazy, but finally, it comes.
The crash of the bottle as it falls from my hand and lands on the floor feels like it’s a million miles away as I float into nothingness.
A place where pain, death, and ruined lives doesn’t exist.
A place where I don’t need to worry what I’m about to fuck up next.
Chapter Twenty-Three
Hadley
“Hadley, thank God.” Remi rushes into the room and I close the door behind her. “What happened?”
“It’s gone...” I whisper, sliding a hand to my throat. The words are painful to say, but nothing compares to the pain of the loss I feel.
“Oh my God,” she breathes. “I’m so, so sorry. Tell me what you need.”
“I just want to sleep.” But I can’t. Every time I close my eyes, I see Cole’s soulless gaze, I hear the devastation in his voice.
“Come on, lie down. I’m right here. I’m not going anywhere.”
“Thank you.” I go to the bed and lie down. Remi lies beside me, letting silence envelop us. “Do you want to talk about it?” She eventually breaks the thick silence.
