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God, what if he doesn’t make it?
I force the thoughts down. He will. He has to. Because a world without Cole Jagger is a world I don’t want to be in.
I struggle to withhold the tears threatening to fall, a strangled whimper escaping my lips.
“Shh, Hads,” Conner soothes, slipping his arm around me. “He’ll be okay. Cole will come through this.”
I want to believe him, but after everything we’ve been through, I’m not sure I can.
“He was so broken, Conner,” I whisper. We’re sitting away from Ace and Remi.
“He called me, you know?” he says, glancing down at me. “When you guys had the fight, he called me asking for advice.”
“H-he did?”
“That’s how much he loves you, Hadley. Cole doesn’t ask anyone for advice, let alone me.”
“It’s not enough.”
“Hey, don’t talk like that. Cole will survive this, and the two of you will work it out. He’s got too much to lose.”
He’d already lost so much, though. Cole isn’t like Conner. He doesn’t cling to everything good in the world. He drowns in the darkness.
I snuggle into Conner’s side and try to settle myself. So long as the doctors are in there, Cole has a shot.
But when I see a man in scrubs approaching us, the world begins to tilt. Conner grips my arm tighter, his whole body tense.
“Cole Jagger’s family?” he asks and James nods, raking a hand through his salt-and-pepper hair.
“How is he?”
“He’s stable. Given the number of pills he consumed, we had to pump his stomach and start him on fluids to flush out his system. We’ve sedated him so he’ll be out for a while. He’s a very lucky young man. If you hadn’t found him so quickly, I’d be delivering some very different news right now.”
“Thank you, doctor.” James holds out his hand, and the two of them shake. “When can we see him?”
“He’s being transferred to a private room now, and then the nurse will come and take you to him.”
James nods. “Thank you again, for everything.”
The doctor nods before leaving us.
“Thank fuck,” Ace breaths, hugging Remi tight.
“See, told ya, Hads,” Conner whispers against my hair. “He’s okay. He’s going to be okay.”
Tears of relief slip down my face. Cole is alive... but I know he’s far from okay.
I stay with Cole. After we all visited him, stood by his bedside, hardly able to believe what he did, the others finally left.
Conner offered to stay, but I needed to
be alone with him. I couldn’t explain it, but going home without him was not an option.
James arranged it with the nurses. They wheeled in a cot for me to sleep on, but sleep doesn’t come easily. I have been sitting here for the last hour, holding Cole’s hand and crying silent tears for him. Us. The life we created and lost.
We’re young, too young to raise a child. But it doesn’t stop the emptiness. For those few hours in Colton, we’d imagined a better life for ourselves. And we’d wanted it.
I’d wanted it.
