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For the first half of our session, I refused to let anything out. I answered her easy questions about me and how I ended up here, but when she started digging into the darker roots of my issues, I clammed up. It was a habit. Survival. But eventually she managed to begin scratching the surface.
I’m not ashamed to admit that when she left, I bawled like a baby. It was either that or fuck the room up, and I really didn’t have the energy for the latter. So when the first wave of emotion hit me, I allowed it to consume me.
I sit on the edge of the bed, exhausted after getting dressed, and push my feet into my boots. I have no idea if I came in fully dressed or if someone brought all this stuff in with them, but either way I’m grateful not to have to wear the hospital gown home.
A knock sounds out around the room. I call out for whoever it is to enter, but I don’t look over my shoulder, expecting it to be a nurse to tell me that my ride is here.
They wanted to call James, but I refused and told them that they either called me an Uber or I was walking. I think they knew as well as I did that that was a lie. I’m not sure I’d make it out of the car park, let alone all the way home.
“You ready to get out of here, Son?”
Motherfuckers.
“Why are you here?” I ask, still refusing to turn around.
“I’m here to take you home.”
“But I told—”
“I know what you told them, but that’s not happening. Come on, let me help you.” He goes to wrap his hand around my upper arm to help me to my feet, but I drag myself away from his touch.
“I don’t need your help,” I spit.
“Okay, fine.” He backs up, and I attempt to get to my feet. But my knees don’t do all that good a job of holding me up, and I stumble a little.
“It’s okay, I’ve got you.” His hands once again hold onto me, but this time I’m not stupid enough to refuse the help. “We should get you a wheelchair. “
“No. I’m walking out of here.”
“Okay,” he concedes, probably knowing that it’s not an argument he’ll win.
The walk out to James’ car is like the longest of my life. Every foot I put in front of the other feels like the hardest thing I’ve ever done.
I’m totally wiped by the time I fall down into the backseat.
“Cole, it’s so good to see you up and about,” Jeeves says from the driver’s seat. I nod at him but keep my mouth shut as I rest my head back.
I sense James join me, but as surprised as I am that he didn’t choose to sit up front, I don’t turn to look at him.
The weight of what I just put everyone through presses down on me. I didn’t mean to hurt any of them. I just wanted… no, I needed it to all go away, just for a little bit.
“I’m sorry,” I whisper.
“I know, Son. I know.” His hand squeezes mine. “Just rest. You’ve only done half the journey so far.”
I follow his instruction, slumping down in the seat a little and closing my eyes.
The next thing I know, James’ hand is on my shoulder as he gently shakes me awake.
“Cole, we’re home.”
I blink a few times, allowing my eyes to adjust to the sunlight before glancing over at the house. I expect to find a welcome party waiting at the door, and I’m almost disappointed when I don’t see anyone. It seems they really did take my warning seriously.
I take two pathetic steps toward the house before James’ arm once again wraps around my waist to help me.
“I think I’m going to be okay.”
“Okay. I’m right here.”
