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I nod at him but continue forward at the pace of a slow tortoise. The sun has started to set by the time I push through my bedroom door.
I half expected to find the evidence of my little depressing party for one, but all I find is a tidy bed with new sheets on it. It also smells fresh, nothing like the sterile scent that’s filled my nose for the past few days.
“This is different,” I say, falling down onto the bl
ack and white sheets.
“I can’t take any credit. It was all Remi and… Hadley.” Sadness washes through him as he says her name, but it’s nothing compared to the pain that spears through my chest at hearing it.
Kicking off my boots, I rest back against the pillows and reach for the bottle of water that has been left on the nightstand for me.
Part of me hopes James will make his excuses and leave, but he doesn’t. Instead he drags the chair over and sits down beside me.
“I understand why you didn’t say anything. Trust me, I do. But I wish you’d have told someone about what happened before you… took matters into your own hands.”
I shrug. I don’t have an argument for what I did. Talking to someone in that moment wouldn’t have helped.
“I’m really sorry, Cole. I know how hard it is to lose something like that.”
My eyes meet his, the pain in them obvious.
“Things were never meant to turn out like this. I never wanted to hurt the three of you the way I have. I wanted to be your father, I was desperate to do right by your mother and be the man you needed. But it wasn’t that simple.”
“Charlie,” I mutter, disgust filling my tone.
“Yeah. I did what I thought was best for you, I promise you. He was… evil, although I don’t think I need to tell you that. I thought he was going to hurt the four of you. No, I didn’t just think it, I was convinced. I had to protect you all.”
“And what about when you thought you’d killed him?”
“Your mom refused to let me help. I was desperate to be the father I thought I could be once Charlie was gone. But she wouldn’t have it. She threatened to take you all away from me for good.
“Every single day I wish it played out differently. I think of all the wrong decisions and moves I made. But it’s pointless, none of us can change the past.”
“Don’t I fucking know it,” I mutter, looking away from him and to the sunset outside the window.
“I’m here, you know. For whatever you need. If you want to talk, or just need some company… Anything, Cole. I just want to do right by you.”
I nod at him. I might not have wanted to see it, but I’m starting to believe that maybe he’s not all that bad after all.
“How did you know about Donny?” I ask. “How come you were there before Ace and I got there?”
“I always knew you were involved with him. Ace too. I have contacts that keep me informed about my boys. I’ve always known what the three of you have been up to. But that night, Conner and Remi told me what was going on before anyone else had a chance to give me a heads up.”
“Snitches.” I might have been angry if I’d learned this before now. But like James said not so long ago, it’s in the past, and there’s nothing we can do to change that. Donny is dead, and that part of my life is over.
“What did you think of Colton U?”
I push thoughts of how it ended up with us here and focus on the reason I went in the first place. “Yeah, it was good. I think I could see myself there.”
“They’re a great team. And the college is fantastic too.”
“I… I think I’m going to apply. See how it goes.”
A smile twitches at James’ lips. “Good for you, Son. I’m going to let you get some sleep. But if you need me, just shout. I’m working from home for the foreseeable future.” He squeezes my hand before pushing from the chair and walking to the door.
“Thank you, D-Dad.” His entire body locks up at my final word.
“Anytime. Anything, Son. I’ve got your back, no matter what.” He looks back over his shoulder and our eyes connect. Emotion clogs my throat as I stare back at a pair so similar to mine. I haven’t wanted to accept it before now, but maybe there are more similarities between us than I’ve let myself see.
