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I must drift off, because the next thing I know there's a knock at my door and Cole lets himself in. "What's going on, bro?" he asks from the chair, his eyes drilling into me, but I refuse to even open mine to look at him.
"Nothing," I grunt, not willing to talk about my fucked up issues right now.
"I've never seen her that angry. What did you do?"
"It's what I didn't do that's the issue.” I release a heavy sigh.
'What the hell is that supposed to mean?"
My lips part to respond, but I can't find any words.
"You don't have to tell me, but I can't help if you don't."
"She... she wanted me to fuck her while we waited for you."
"And this is a problem why? Worried I'd rock up and watch?"
"I just... I couldn't."
"Aw, your cock scared of the dark?" he laughs.
"This isn't fucking funny, asshole."
"I'm sorry. What's the problem? Your girl is offering herself to you on the side of a dark road and you can't perform... why?"
"You don't need to paint the picture. I get it." I was there, for fuck’s sake.
"I'm glad you do, because I'm fucking clueless here."
"I keep seeing him," I snap.
"Uh... okay. Well... I didn't see this coming. You've spent so much time pining after Kenny that I didn't even consider that you might swing the other way."
"What? What the fuck are you talking about?" I ask, sitting upright and looking directly at him.
"You said you saw him so I just thought..." He trails off as I lift my hand to my face and scrub it over my jaw.
"I see Warren," I confess, hating how his name tastes on my tongue. "All I see is him hurting her. Then I remember how I treated her, the bruises I left, and I just freak out."
"Oh... okay, that makes more sense... I guess."
"It makes no fucking sense, Cole. I want her. I need her... so fucking bad. But every time we get close, I shut down. I'm so fucking terrified of hurting her, of reminding her of him."
"That'll never happen, Con. No matter how rough you might treat her, you're you. You're not a monster. You're not him."
"But I hurt her."
"If you're worried about delivering pain during sex, then you're talking to the wrong guy here."
The memory of what Cole did to Hadley before Christmas fills my mind.
"How do you live with yourself?"
"I make her come, again and again, and again. It softens the guilt."
"You're fucked up. You know that, right?"
He gives me a half-shrug. "Takes one to know one, bro."
