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Chapter Twenty-Three
Kennedy
I lie awake, anger and frustration swirling in my veins.
I knew Conner couldn’t touch me. Deep down, I knew it the second he tucked me into his arm after I made him come.
It hurts. It hurts so fucking much.
Does he think I’m damaged goods now?
I blink away the tears. I won’t cry, even if my soul weeps.
Part of Warren’s cycle of abuse was to grind me down, to call me ugly and worthless. He made me feel like I was disgusting. Nothing more than a body to please him. A toy to play with. So it’s hard to put into words how it feels to be rejected by the boy who says he’s always loved me. It plays on every insecurity I have.
The darkness engulfs me and I let it. I lie there, still and unmoving, my breaths coming in short, sharp bursts as I try to rein in the emotional storm raging inside me.
My body is still worked up from earlier. It’s angry, yes, but there, under the surface, it’s needy. Desperate to feel some kind of connection. Some kind of release.
Damn you, Conner.
Just then, there’s a creak by my door. I tense, holding my breath, watching through wide eyes as it begins to open. My heart is in my throat, blood roaring in my ears.
“Conner?” I hiss at the sight of him standing there. “What the hell are you doing?”
“We need to talk.”
“Talk? You want to talk?”
Unbelievable.
I don’t want to talk. I want him to show me that he feels the same as I do. I want him to show me he loves me still, despite everything that has happened.
He closes the doors and slowly stalks toward the end of the bed. I notice the second he sees my short pajamas. His eyes flare, drinking in my bare legs.
“Fuck.” He swallows, rubbing his jaw.
“Unless you’re going to grow some balls and fuck me, you should leave.”
“Kennedy, come on, that isn’t fair.”
“Fair?” I balk. “You think any of this is fair? I didn’t ask for this to happen, I didn’t ask for any of it.” I know I should probably give him a break. He didn’t ask for any of this either, but I’m so tired of hurting, of feeling unloved, used and abused. I just want to be safe in his arms.
“Shh, babe.” His expressions darkens. “I know you didn’t, I know—”
“Don’t,” I breathe out as he starts to come toward me. “Unless you’re going to give me what I need, just don’t.”
Conner’s eyes screw closed as he inhales a ragged breath. “I want to, fuck I want to. More than anything.” His voice cracks. “But you’ve got to let me work through some stuff.”
When his eyes open again they glitter with guilt and regret. “I love you, K. So fucking much. But I need time.”
Conner’s eyes slip down my body again, and I can feel the shift in him. He wants me, he just can?
??t see past everything.
An idea sparks in my head. Maybe he just needs a little push in the right direction.
Sliding my hand to my bare stomach, I trail my fingers around my navel and down to the waistband of my shorts.
