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I’m barely aware of Conner moving closer, until warm jets of cum hit my legs and stomach.
My eyes catch his and he grins. “Don’t make any mistakes about you who belong to, babe. You’re mine.” Conviction rings in his voice as he leans down and traces his name on my stomach with his own release. “I just need some time.”
“O-okay.” I’m breathless. Overwhelmed and confused.
But he’s looking at me like I’m the most precious person in the world, and I realize that as long as he keeps looking at me like that, we can get past this. As long as he’s here, with me, that’s all I need.
I can wait.
Conner tucks himself back into his jeans and says, “Don’t move.”
I can’t even if I want to, too boneless and weak from the intense orgasm that wracked through me.
He disappears into my small bathroom and returns a minute later with a washcloth. Dropping to his knees, Conner cleans the sticky cum off my body, before leaning in and pressing a single kiss to my hip bone. “I love you, K. Never forget that.”
“Then why can’t you touch me?” The words are out before I can stop them.
Conner lets out another pained sigh before toeing off his sneakers and joining me on the bed. He rolls me onto my side and tucks me against his big strong body, my back to his chest. “I want to. I want to so fucking much. But the idea of him hurting you... of me hurting you. Everything is messed up in my head, K.” His body vibrates with anger as he pulls me closer, tucking his chin into the crook of my neck. “We’ll figure it out, babe. I promise.”
A feeling of contentment spreads through me. I’ve never had this before. Safety. Security. I’ve never laid next to a guy and felt like he’d protect me with his last breath.
Conner makes me feel the way all girls dream of. Special... Precious... Loved.
As I close my eyes and let myself drift, I tell myself it’s enough. Because it should be.
When I wake, Conner is gone and the bed is cold. I push up onto my elbow, scanning my room, but there’s no sign of him. No sneakers on the floor or hoodie hanging on the back of my chair. I vaguely remember him taking it off sometime in the middle of the night.
Dejection creeps into my veins, tamping down the happiness I felt when I’d fallen asleep.
But then I spot it. An origami flower on my desk. A smile tugs at my mouth. It had been Conner’s thing back when we were kids, to leave me paper flowers. It was goofy and cheesy, but it made me smile every damn time.
This morning is no exception.
My phone vibrates and I scramble to reach it.
Conner: Didn’t want to get caught. I’ll see you later?
Me: Maybe. If you’re lucky.
Gah. I want to be angry with him still, but he makes it so hard. He’s scared, I get it now. I asked Conner to hurt me and then he found out Warren had raped me. It’s messed up.
I messed up.
Another text comes through, and I smile when I read it.
Conner: You think I’ll ever let you run from me? You’re mine, K. Always.
God. He’s so good at this, at telling me how he feels. Conner wears his heart on his sleeve, unafraid to reveal his true self. It’s admirable and totally swoon-worthy. But he harbors a darker side. I’ve seen it. Felt it quivering under the surface. The fighting, the way he’d fucked me into oblivion that night. Conner Jagger might be the good brother. The joker. The one with the big heart and even bigger smile. But even Lucifer was an angel once.
I toy around with my reply. It would be easy to tell him I love him, that I always have. But something holds me back. A little voice telling me not to fall too deep yet. Not until he can get over what happened. So I settle on something playful. Something that I hope will give him the nudge he needs to claim me in all the ways I want him to.
Me: Prove it.
I add a winking emoji for some extra sass. I can picture his smile as he reads it, hear his smooth laughter. It’s like falling all over again with him. I want to believe it’s real, I want to throw caution to the wind and give him my heart, but it isn’t whole anymore.
It’s broken.
I’m broken.
