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I think I’ll always need something from him he might not be able to give me.
Pain.
Chapter Twenty-Four
Conner
"The girls just left," Cole says, standing in my bedroom door.
I'm once again on my bed, staring at the ceiling. It seems to be my favorite place these days as I attempt to search for the answers I need to fix me.
I hate myself right now. My girl needs me, and my head is too fucked up to give it to her.
All she wants me to do is make her feel good, but the second I even think about touching her, that image pops up. And it doesn't matter what I do, I can't banish it.
"Okay, great. I'll meet you downstairs in a few." I don't look at him, I can't, because I know that all I'll find staring back at me is pity.
I got back here in the middle of the night and was forced to listen to him and Hadley as he gave her what she was screaming for, while being swarmed with guilt that I wasn't able to do the same for Kenny.
She was right there before me, ready for the taking, begging for it. It should be so easy, so natural. But I couldn't, and she had to settle for her own touch.
My cock swells as the memory of watching her fingers slide deep inside her pussy fills my mind.
"Things still rough?" Cole ask, clearly not getting the clue about fucking off and leaving me alone.
"I don't want to talk about it."
"You went to see her last night though, right? You used the key?"
"Yeah," I sigh.
"And?"
Sitting up, I push from the bed and walk to the window, staring out at James' perfectly tended to yard beneath. My body aches with my need to release the tension that’s pulling at every single one of my muscles. I may have come last night, but it was nowhere near as satisfying as I needed it to be. My hand will never replace hers.
"I didn't fuck her, if that's what you mean," I bark, embarrassed that we're even having this conversation.
"Did you talk?"
"Kind of," I admit with a wince.
"So she understands?"
"I don't know, Cole," I shout, spinning away from him and holding my hands from my side. "I don't fucking know anything right now aside from how fucked my head is. Let's fucking go."
I shove my feet into my sneakers and barge past him when he continues to block half my doorway
.
He follows me down the stairs and out of the house. Just as I step down to the gravel of the driveway, Ace appears around the corner.
"Ready?" he asks.
"Yes."
"I'm driving," Cole announces and the three of us pile into his car.
"They suspect anything?" Cole asks Ace while I stare out of the window at the passing scenery.
