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“Did it help you guys… you know.” A faint smile traces her lips, but it falls when I wrap my arms around myself. “Shit, Mia, I’m sorry.”
“It’s not your fault. We shared a bed, and I didn’t freak out, but it’s like there’s a wall between us, and I know it’s my fault, but I don’t know how to—”
“Hey, hey. No one is expecting you to paste on a smile and be okay. But Bexley loves you, and he just wants to be there.”
“I saw him again,” I blurt out.
“Saw wh—Cade?”
I nod. “I know it wasn’t him. But it’s so real, Sasha. Like he’s right there, watching me.” I run a hand down my face, letting out a weary sigh.
“Maybe you should speak to someone. A therapist.”
“No. The Xanax helps. It does. And I feel a little better after two nights of sleep.”
“So Bexley helped with something then…” Her eyes twinkle, but I don’t feel the same hope she does.
“Yes, Bexley helped with that. But it’s not what you think.” I give her a pointed look.
“I spoke to my father earlier.” Her expression falls. “He wanted to remind me that it’s the Harvest Ball next weekend.”
“Surely they don’t expect…” I twist my hands into the bedsheets. “Of course they do.”
“It’s an important night for Quinctus. Business associates from all over the state attend.”
“Why do I need to be there?”
“To keep up appearances. Why else?”
My eyes shutter as I inhale a ragged breath. “What will happen to me?” I ask her. “Now that Cade is…”
Sasha perches on the edge of the bed. “Honestly, I don’t know. You have the prosapia brand. You’re one of them now. Maybe you and Bexley can…” Sasha’s lips purse. “Don’t worry about all that right now. Focus on getting better.” She lays her hand on mine. “We can go dress shopping, or if you prefer, you can borrow something from my collection.”
“I’ll borrow something, if that’s okay?”
“Of course.” She hesitates. “You should know that Brook will be there.”
“I don’t care about Brook, Sasha.” She’s the least of my worries right now. I managed to avoid her last week around campus, and as far as I’m concerned, I’d like it to stay that way.
“Do you want to come downstairs and watch a movie? Or we could go swimming?”
“I think I’m going to lay down. But maybe later.”
Concern etches into the lines of her face. “Okay, you know where I am if you need me.”
“Thank you.”
Sasha leaves me alone and I finish unpacking before changing into an oversized t-shirt. I go over to the window, staring down at the tree line below. He’s not there. Cade isn’t there. But it doesn’t stop me from feeling him.
Ugh.
I just need it to stop. I need to find a way to exorcize him from my mind. But I don’t know how.
Hurrying over to the nightstand, I pluck the small baggie out and retrieve two pills. It’s still early, barely five, but I just want to close my eyes and see nothing instead of his soulless gaze haunting me.
Going into the small bathroom adjoining my room, I turn on the faucet and bend to wash the pills down, avoiding my reflection in the mirror.
It takes a while for the sedative effects to kick in, but gradually I feel the tension ebb away until my limbs feel heavy, but my mind feels weightless. I close my eyes and pray I find peace.
