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Jess read and reread what her son had written on the page. She closed the notebook, stared out the window, and pondered the timing of his entry. Four months before the accident. She had no idea that Jonathan was aware of what was happening with her marriage, and she wondered how this was even possible when she herself had completely missed it.
“Whatcha reading?” Myles asked, interrupting her thoughts.
Jess didn’t respond.
“Okay… then.”
Jess fingered the edge of the notebook, afraid to open it, afraid not to.
Myles stared straight ahead. “I have something I want to share with you if you’re in the mood to hear it…”
Jess sighed but didn’t answer.
He continued anyway. “So, I’ve been trying to find my ex-wife for a while now… and I think I might have found her.”
Jess turned to him then, her tone stern. “What do you mean?”
Myles gripped the wheel tighter and then relaxed, but only a little. “Ever since Hailey died… there have been things I’ve wanted to say to her… things I needed to say…”
Jessica narrowed her brow. “Such as?”
He glanced her way, then shrugged, and focused back on the road. “Just stuff…”
She straightened in her seat and spoke slowly, her tone sharp. “Well, that’s great. I hope me and my sobriety, or lack thereof, isn’t holding you back.”
Myles frowned. “You’re not. Actually—”
Jess cut him off mid-sentence. “I guess you should ask yourself why she’s running… why she’s been so clever at hiding. You know… I’m not sure if you’ve considered this or not, but some people just don’t want to be found.”
“And you think I haven’t given this some thought?”
She glared at him. “I don’t know. Have you?”
Myles changed the subject and went straight for the jugular. “Say, about that old man of yours, I gathered that he’s shaking you down for money… and I’m curious what you are going to do about it?”
Jess shifted in her seat and put as much distance as she could between the two of them before finally answering. “He needs it.”
“And what about you? Do you need it?”
She deadpanned. “You don’t think I can do this, do you?”
Myles watched her from the corner of his eye. “The question is... do you think you can?”
Jess watched the blur of the trees as they flashed by. She stared up at the cloudy sky and wished it would open up and swallow her whole. She wanted nothing more than to be anywhere other than where she was, in this car, headed toward the unknown. “I just think we should talk about what is really being said here, that’s all.”
“Fine. How about this… maybe, just maybe, everything isn’t about you. And anyway, what I think about you is irrelevant.”
“So you don’t care one way or the other? Is that what you’re saying?”
“I’m saying that I have my own stuff to deal with.”
“How wonderful for you.”
Myles stepped on the gas and picked up speed. “What are you afraid of, Jessica?”
She studied the speedometer and watched the needle creep upward. “Everything.”
