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Myles swallowed. “Aside from everything. Dig a little deeper…”
She squeezed her eyes shut and massaged her temples before taking a deep breath in and letting it out. “You’re going too fast.”
“Then ask me to slow down.”
“Seriously? Slow down.”
He let off the gas. “See, it’s pretty simple… asking for what you want. Isn’t it?”
Jessica felt the fear rise up in her throat and swallowed it back down. “Fine.” She swallowed. “You want to know what I’m afraid of… I’ll tell you… I’m afraid that once I’m sober that you’ll bail. That I won’t be the crazy, fun, Jessica, who needs managing anymore.”
Myles did a double take. “First off, you’re not as fun as you think you are. Secondly, can you control whether I bail or not? Can you control whether or not I like you?”
Jess shook her head, clearly over this conversation. “I don’t know.”
“Of course, you do.” He pressed.
She sighed and relented. “No. I guess not...”
“Then let it go.”
“I’m trying,” she replied before removing the elastic bands from her wrist. She swept her hair up into a bun and wrapped it on top of her head. “I’m trying.”
Myles eyed her for a second and then looked back at the road. God, she was beautiful. “Try harder.”
“Do you want to know what I really think? I think this whole non-attachment thing you’ve got going is bullshit.”
He raised one brow. “Oh?”
“Yeah, complete and total fucking bullshit…”
“You’re not angry at all, are you?” He smirked.
“You know what, Myles?”
“What?”
“You like to think that you’re enlightened or smarter than the rest of us because you’re so open… because you can move through life without any fears—without being attached to anyone or anything… but you know what I think?”
“Tell me.” He liked her angry.
“I think pretending that you don’t care, that you’re so open, is also a way of remaining closed.”
Myles gripped the wheel tighter, but he didn’t respond. Instead, he let the seed Jess had just planted within him begin to germinate.
Jess re-opened the notebook and removed her sunglasses. She reached back and grabbe
d her sweater from the back seat and wrapped it around her. Just three more hours and she would be able to get out of this car and away from this man. In the meantime, she had some reading to do.
Hello,
It’s me again. Today was a rough day. A boy on the playground has been bothering Kit Cat and today he hit her. Kit Cat is scared to go to school and when I tried to talk to my mom about it, she just stared into space and nodded. I don’t think she heard anything I said. In fact, I know she didn’t because when I threw a few crazy details in the mix, like Catherine and I running away, she didn’t bat an eye. She just nodded and said uh-huh. I think something is wrong with her. I mean I know about the accident and all. But she seems different. As though maybe aliens invaded her brain and she’s not even our mom anymore. Maybe it’s just the shell of her body but a different operation system altogether. That’s the only explanation I can come up with.
My dad said that this happens sometimes after car accidents and that it takes a while for a person to get back to their old selves. And maybe he’s right.
But I prefer the alien version of the story.
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