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“I—”
“Let that be your resolution.”
Obviously, Ethan comes to mind. “People always want what they can’t have.”
“No,” she tells me. “People always want what they think they can’t have. It’s about what you want to believe, Sadie.” She says it so flippantly, like she doesn’t know the pain of rejection, of losing something she really loved. “Now, what is it that you really want?”
“I don’t know,” I say.
She looks me up and down. “I think you do.”
“My husband,” I confess. “I’d like to have Ethan back.” I’m not expecting to blurt it out the way I do. It’s been ages since I’ve said his name out loud. So long, in fact, that it feels foreign and forbidden on my tongue.
“Ethan,” she repeats, searching my eyes.
“Yes, Ethan.” His name comes out like a thought that has been stuck way down deep inside that has somehow been dislodged. I can see that she doesn’t believe me. I can also see that she’s confused. I can see that she was expecting something different. She doesn’t want to let her disappointment show.
“And you’re prepared to do whatever it takes?”
“I think so.”
“Then you shall have him.” The way she speaks with such ease, it gets me. It’s so easy for her, too, the way she works me over. It surprises even me that at the slightest hint of another person’s touch, I give in, offering up my secrets like a gift.
Suddenly, Ann swallows hard. Something in her expression shifts, and a decision is made. “I wish I could tell you how many things I almost let myself believe impossible before they were done. Turns out, few things really are.”
“Like what?”
Unfortunately, she chooses not to elaborate. “Getting what you want is not rocket science, Sadie. Just a set of very specific measures one has to take.”
With a slight shake of my head, I agree to something unspoken. It isn’t hard to do. I don’t think another person has or will ever look at me as intensely as she is right here and now. Her conviction makes me want to believe. Somehow, she has enough for the both of us.
CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX
SADIE
“I’m glad we could get away for a moment,” she says as we schlep champagne bottles between the detached garage and the house. “There’s something I need your assistance with…”
Ann speaks in code, so it’s hard to ever know what she really means, even when you think you do. “What?”
Once we’ve dropped the bottles off in the kitchen, she takes my hand and leads me back to the garage. She closes the door behind her, but this time she doesn’t flip on the light. Moonlight floods in via the skylight, and slowly, as my eyes adjust, I can see that she is patting one of the built-in countertops. “Can you hop up here for me? I have a surprise for you.”
Following a shrug, I hoist myself onto the counter. Ann leans forward, trapping me, resting the weight of her body on her hands. “I realize,” she says with a touch of sorrow, “That this is very, very inappropriate.”
“Ann—” I make a move to get back on solid footing.
“Shhh.” She parts my legs with one hand, and holds me in place with the other. When she thinks she has me where she wants me, her fingers find their way up my dress. “I love this on you,” she says and suddenly, the dress that was meant to be returned to the store has become my most valuable possession. “Do you like me, Sadie?”
I shrug in the darkness. “Sure.”
“No, I mean do you really like me?” she asks, her fingernails sliding so slowly upward and then back down again. The truth is, I haven’t made up my mind. I think I like her. I’m just not sure I like her in the way she means at this very moment. I’ve never been into women. To be honest, I’ve never really been into anyone other than Ethan. Aside from Chet that is—and him—I’m just using to fill the void my husband left. But I don’t say any of this, of course. “Yes.”
“Good. I want you to be happy, Sadie.”
My throat is tight; I can’t breathe. My body responds to her touch, even if my mind isn’t sure. Something deep in the pit of my stomach aches, leaving little doubt that I’m in deep. “I am happy,” I lie. I lie because you can’t feel this many feelings about a person and be happy, really. If I know anything, I know that falling in love is perplexing and lovely and confusing and captivating. It’s the most marvelous thing that can happen in life. And also, the worst.
“I’m sorry,” she tells me, burying her face in my lap, the warmth of her breath heavy against my thighs. “But sometimes…I meet someone…and sometimes I can’t help myself. This is one of those times.”
Her words make me feel weightless. They’re breathtaking and wonderful and hard to believe. It’s astonishing that someone like Ann Banks could want someone like me. It’s flattering, to say the least. So much so, that I forget to ask myself what my motivations are. I’m too filled with bewilderment. She looks up and takes notice. Ann is careful, controlled, and quite possibly everything I’ve ever wanted to be myself.
