AllFreeNovel
Share Us
Patrick sat on the edge of the bed and stared at the floor. “Stay, Addison. They’ll come around. I think you’re making a big deal out of nothing.”
Addie felt her face growing red. She threw up her hands up. “Of course, you do. Don’t accuse me of being crazy, Patrick. I know that your parents think that I’m not good enough for you. I know when I’m not wanted.”
Patrick didn’t argue. “Let’s just sleep on it, ok. We’ll talk about it in the morning.”
The next morning, Addie finished packing her things, called a cab, and didn’t look back. She had spent her whole life feeling unwanted, and now that she was an adult, she knew she had a choice in the matter.
She and Patrick went two weeks without speaking before finally running into each other in the library. It was awkward seeing one another. With neither of them knowing quite what to say, Addie spoke first, her voice quivering as she apologized for running out on him the way she did. Patrick hugged Addie as her silent tears fell, apologizing for the way his family treated her. He told her that he was sorry with the way that they had left things and asked Addie to meet him at his apartment later that evening to talk.
The truth was Addie had been a complete mess since walking out on Patrick. She couldn’t eat, couldn’t sleep, couldn’t do anything but think of Patrick. She lost ten pounds that she didn’t have to lose. Jessica tried to cheer her up by ordering takeout and renting sappy movies. She offered to take her shopping, but Addie was content just sitting around in her pajamas, staring into space. In a matter of a week, she had become gaunt, pale, with dark circles under her eyes. She looked terrible, and Jessica told her as much.
Jessica walked over, flipped the TV off, and pulled the covers off of Addie.
“Get up. The shower’s running. And you know how I hate to waste water.”
Addie looked confused. “What the hell? You don’t care about wasting water.”
Jessica tugged at Addie’s arm. “Well, I do now. GET UP! You’ll feel better once you don’t smell so bad. Seriously. You can’t just lie here forever. You’ve missed classes, Addie. This isn’t like you.”
Addie forced herself up, giving Jessica a dirty look in the process. “Ok. Fine.”
Once showered and dressed, Addie realized Jessica was right, she did feel better. So later that evening when she’d finally dragged herself to the library, only to run into Patrick, she couldn’t help but feel that it was fate.
Addie met Patrick at his apartment that evening as he suggested. He cooked her dinner, during which they both were mostly quiet besides an occasional exchange of pleasantries. Something was different. Something had changed and Addie felt it. After dinner they sat on the sofa, Addie sipping her wine, Patrick water. Finally, when Addie had had enough of the silence, when she couldn’t take it another minute, she spoke up, breaking the quiet. “What is it, Patrick? Just spit it out. I’m a big girl. I can take it.”
“Spit what out?”
“Whatever it is you need to say.”
Patrick turned toward her, taking her hand in his. “So . . . Ok . . . I . . . Um . . . I can’t do this anymore. Being apart gave me time to think, and I just don’t want anything serious right now. We’re so young, Addie.”
As though she had been kicked out of thin air, Addie felt the blow to her stomach. She wanted to cry. But tears wouldn’t come. She wouldn’t let them. Instead, she put on her best poker face, careful not to give anything away. Knowing that there was nothing left to say, she sat her wine on the coffee table and stood, brushing her jeans with her hands. “Ok.” She turned towards the door as Patrick grabbed her wrist.
“What are you doing? That’s it? All you have to say is ok?” He pulled her closer.
Addie couldn’t avoid looking at him the way he was holding her, and the last thing she wanted was for him to see her cry. She needed to make a quick getaway. It was clear that Patrick had made up his mind, and Addie didn’t want to make it any harder for him. She knew Patrick didn’t want to hurt her, and she wouldn’t hurt him by letting him see just how much it hurt.
“Come on. Don’t run. Let me explain.”
Addie felt like a fist was lodged in her throat. “What is there to explain?” she choked out.
Patrick kissed her forehead, brushed her hair away from her face, and hugged her so tightly Addie was afraid she might suffocate. Her mind raced, yet she was numb all at the same time. Feeling Patrick’s arms around her and the love between them, it suddenly became clear to her exactly what she had to do.
“You’re right and we both know it.” She said flatly.
Patrick smiled weakly before he picked her up. Addie wrapped her legs around his waist as he carried her to his bedroom. He placed her softly on the bed, where he made love to her gently, as if she might break, as if they both might break. He kissed her face and searched her eyes, whispering, “I love you and I’m so sorry,” over and over. It tore Addie apart, literally ripped her heart in two. But she didn’t respond; instead, she showed him everything she couldn’t say in the way she made love to him. When they were both sweaty and emotionally and physically depleted, Patrick curled up next to her, his head on her stomach. They lay there, staring at the ceiling for hours, without saying a word. Once she was sure Patrick had finally fallen asleep and she was certain that he was in a deep sleep, Addie got up and silently dressed. After she gathered her things, she stood for a moment watching him sleep. Finally, she gently kissed his cheek, and then quietly tiptoed out of his apartment and straight out of his life.
The next few months were a blur as Addie dated a flurry of men. On the inside, she was devastated. Not only had she lost her boyfriend and lover but her best friend. Her future. On the outside, however, Addie was the life of the party. “Finally living,” she told everyone.
Thankfully, Addie never ran into Patrick. She tried to avoid all of the places they had gone, places where she thought he might be. In the first few weeks after they split, Addie had received dozens of emails and several phone calls from him. She never answered, deleting the voicemails. Addie read the first email, mostly by mistake. She had been drunk, her defenses down. In the email, Patrick explained that he loved her but that his parents had threatened to cut off their financial support if he continued seeing her. He apologized, saying that he would do anything if she would just talk to him. He said he missed her and their friendship. Fuck him. She had enough friends. She deleted it without responding. Once, when she was out, Patrick stopped by, hoping to see her. Apparently, Jessica had given him a piece of her mind in such a way that Patrick finally stopped trying.
During that time, Addie threw herself into her schoolwork and spent all of her free time living it up. It was only after the party that the truth would show, and usually it was Jessica who had to clean up the mess.
After about the twelfth or so guy Addie casually “dated,” which really meant slept with, she met Carter. Carter was a beautiful, tough, rugby player. He was a known playboy, also the life of the party. They met at his fraternity’s kegger and had a one-night stand, of which Addie remembered very little. Afterwards, Carter called incessantly, hoping it would become a three- or four-night stand. But Addie wanted nothing to do with him. Her heart was broken, and she wasn’t looking to date, especially not someone like Carter. Hell, in the daylight, she didn’t even like him. But Carter was relentless and Addie was lonely, and soon he and Addie were spending a lot of time together, mostly in bed. Or wherever, really. Carter was Mr. Fun, Mr. Help Her Forget. He was gorgeous and crazy about her. But Addie knew she would never, could never, love him. Her only investment was time.
About three months in to “dating” Carter, they bumped into Patrick at a party. He waltzed right up to her and Carter, interrupted their conversation and introduced his beautiful date, Shelly. Some nerve.
The four of them made small talk until Addie, feeling sick to her stomach, excused herself to the ladies’ room. Unbeknownst to her, Patrick followed. He pushed open the stall door and found her leaning against the wall, panting, trying to catch her breath.
