AllFreeNovel
Share Us
“It means that I want you to let me go. For good, this time.”
“Maybe you are fucking crazy. That’s not gonna happen. I love you, Amelie.” He snickered.
She turned to face him as best she could. “No. I’m serious. I’ve never caused anything but trouble for you. It’s what I do. I find a way to destroy everything and everyone around me. And eventually, I’ll destroy you, too. Just look at what I’ve managed to do already. I’m not taking you down with me, Jack. I’m not.”
His gaze was fixed on her now. “That’s bullshit, and we both know it. This is life. It’s not perfect. It is what it is. But you don’t give up. You don’t just give up.”
“Sometimes, maybe you do. I don’t love you the way you love me, Jack. Can’t you see that?”
Amelie’s mother appeared from behind the curtain. “Well, looky there. Sleeping Beauty’s up. And guess what? I brought you some of your favorite things,” she cheered, holding up a bag in each hand.
Jack looked back and forth between the two of them and realized what he needed to do. He glanced at his watch. “Visiting hours are almost up, so… I’m going to run. He kissed Amelie’s cheek. He looked to her mother, cleared his throat, and walked toward the door. “I’ll be back in the morning… In the meantime, see that she gets those things off her wrists, would you?”
He stopped just inside the doorway and nodded at Amelie. “See you in the morning, kid. I’ll bring breakfast.”
She smiled. Even drugged up, in restraints on the psych floor, she was the most beautiful thing he’d ever seen.
“I’ll see you,” she replied and winked.
Had Jack known then that was the last time he would see her for another two whole years, he probably would’ve said something a little more appropriate for the occasion. He probably would’ve stayed longer. Hell, he probably wouldn’t have left at all.
PART TWO
Amelie
FOURTEEN
As Jack sat at the Princeton library pouring over anything and everything related to mental illness, specifically bi-polar disorder, somewhere across town, Amelie was having a conversation that would make it all for not. Jack had planned to bring in his own research to the table, his own resources, and experts on the subject. He’d intended to waltz into that hospital the following morning and prove that Amelie was not crazy, nor did she need or deserve to be locked up. Sure, she was passionate and moody. Free-spirited, he liked to call it. She was sad. But she wasn’t crazy.
Back at the hospital, Amelie was busy doing some bargaining of her own. “Fine. I’ll go. Tonight, if it’s what you want,” she finally relented. “But only if you promise to give him something for me. There’s something I need him to know.”
“Something you need who to know, darling?” Her mother had known exactly whom she was refereeing to.
“Jack.”
“Oh, honey, I thought we agreed on this. You need to let that boy go. You’ve said so yourself, he has a bright future ahead of him. And this kind of thing, well… it’s just a lot for anyone to handle. Much less a boy of his age.”
“I know, Mother. But there’s something I forgot to say. Something I want him to know. So, you have to promise. Or I won’t go.” She held up the paperwork. “I won’t sign these papers…”
Her mother waved her hands in the air. “Ok, dear. Whatever you want. Yes. Sure. I’ll do it. I’ll see to it that he gets your note.”
Amelie pressed the pen to paper and signed her name on the dotted line. She set the pen down, did her best to compose herself, and then picked it up again and wrote to Jack. Three short par
agraphs later, she prayed that she was able to convey enough to make him wait for her.
Dear Jack,
I’m sorry to have left with things in the state they’re in. I’m sorry for it all, really. You certainly don’t deserve the shit I’ve put you through, and I think somewhere deep down you must know that. But that’s not why I’m writing, actually. I’m writing because I want to let you know that I lied. I do love you, Jack. I’m just sorry that it wasn’t enough. That I can’t be what you need. You deserve so much more. You deserve someone like yourself. Someone smart, someone strong, someone who hangs in there and fights for what it is they want. So that’s what I’m going to try to be from here on out. A fighter. I’m going give this treatment thing everything I’ve got. I’m going to do it for you and for the child I never gave a chance. The truth is, I’m not sure that I deserve another chance, or that I even deserve to live, given what I’ve done. I know it doesn’t make a lot of difference. No matter what I say or what I do, the outcome will still be the same. But hopefully, now the situation looks a little clearer on your end, and you can see that I’m not cut out to raise a child—that I can’t even take care of myself. Hopefully, you understand that I never meant to hurt you. Sadly, though, I realize that’s all I’ve done.
Because of that, Jack, because of the pain I saw in your eyes tonight, I’ve decided that it’s no longer a choice for me to make. It’s a given. I have to go. I need to get better. I need to be a fighter, for you. I want to make you proud the way you make me. I want to feel like I am worthy of your love. You inspire me to want to be better and without you, I don’t know where I’d be. I guess what I’m trying to say is that you are my reason for trying. You always have been. I’m just sorry I lied about that before. But I want you to know it is the truth.
I hope you’ll forgive me for leaving this way. I just couldn’t take another goodbye. I couldn’t let you beg me to stay. I hope that you’ll write to me and that you know that I’ll miss you so. Maybe when I get out, we can take a trip together. Until then, I’ll focus on getting better. But no matter what, or where I am, I want you to know that my heart will always be somewhere with you.
Love,
Amelie
Unfortunately, for Jack, and for Amelie, her mother did not end up keeping the promise she’d made. It would be a very long time before Jack would read the words that Amelie had written that night.
