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Chapter Ten
Grace
Ifloated through the ward, my feet barely touching the floor.Two orderlies, men I did not recognize, held me firmly under my armpits.It was the first time I had been out of my room, with the exception of my two sessions with Dr.Branson and, of course, the hydrotherapy.
I had worn myself down with worry and now sat on a bench in the hallway, waiting for whatever fresh hell was to come.I must have fallen asleep, because when I was woken by a tapping noise, I looked at the clock on the wall and realized that a full hour had passed since I last checked it.The tapping grew louder, like someone tapping a microphone.I looked up to see the old radio speakers on the wall vibrating to the rhythm of a muffled drumbeat.I hadn’t heard the sound of the radio in forever, or at least sincebefore, before I was locked in here.It was strange hearing the DJ’s voice, the news, the reminder that there was life outside, that the world hadn’t stopped turning.
The air was charged with change and anticipation of conflict.I felt as if time stood still as I listened to the DJ.
In an instant, in a flash of insight, I understood what Charles was keeping from me.I think I understood all the things he wouldn’t orcouldn’ttell me.
This was it, I thought, as I sat there listening to the radio announcer read the news report.Although nothing of real importance was said, it made me realize something.If there was a conflict and the United States was going to war, it would come out soon enough, and it would change everything.I could finally be honest.
The sound stopped.The speakers were no longer vibrating, and the hallway fell back into silence.Just as soon as it began, the tapping stopped, and silence filled its place.
I was once again filled with a terrible anxiety.If Charles was doing something of such importance, there would be no cause for a silent radio.But if he were working on what I suspect he was, he would need to know that he was not alone.He would need all the help he could get.
I stood up, because why not?If we were going to be at war, what did any of this matter?Soon enough, everyone would know the truth.Why wait?
But even so, if I told them what I thought I knew, then what?Would whomever had taken my husband just let him go?I doubted it.What would become of him?Of Toby and Eleanor and Phillip?
I felt a tingling sensation in my legs, and they collapsed beneath me.I flopped to the floor, and something warm dripped down my face.It was blood.My blood.I could feel it spilling out of my head.I touched my scalp at the spot where it had made contact with the floor.It was tender and wet.There was a dull ache, and I was dizzy, but mostly I just wanted this whole ordeal to be over.
It was the medication.I was not myself.I could think, but it was as though I was an engine not firing on all cylinders.I felt useless.Hopeless.
I crawled back onto the bench and waited for them to come for me.
But they didn’t come, at least not right away.I sat there with my head wound, the gash dripping steadily, and no nurse came.Ironically, they brought Elizabeth instead.She was lying on a gurney, and they parked her across from where I sat, against the opposite wall, so that we were practically eye to eye.I felt bad for hitting her, considering she was soaked in her own mess and tied to a bed.But you do what you have to do.Charles used to say that, and now I wondered if his words had a double meaning.Had he been trying to tell me something?Had he been preparing me for this?
“First you make them hate you,” Elizabeth says with a smile.It’s not clear if she is talking to me, because she’s staring at the ceiling.
“No talking, ladies,” an orderly calls from a desk around the corner.She leans back in her chair and peeks her head around the corner, making sure we know she is there.
“Then they fall in love,” Elizabeth hums.
I make a shushing sound, which she promptly ignores.Every time she opens her mouth it brings trouble.
“You can’t really have one without the other now, can you?”
“The opposite of love is indifference,” I tell her with an eye roll, hoping she’ll shut up.I’m in enough trouble as it is and —not that I care—but so is she.
I watch as two nurses and three orderlies pass by.Each one stops to hug Elizabeth, or offer words of encouragement, and one of them even gives her a stick of gum.“What happened now, Miss Elizabeth?”three of the five of them ask.
She motions at me with her thumb.“She hit me.”
Their eyes span in my direction, and Elizabeth shakes her head like it’s all a big pity.“You know how it goes with the new ones.”
They offer words of comfort, and it’s like nothing I’ve ever seen.It’s like being back in high school.It’s like I’m looking at a prom queen, not a patient.It’s like standing in my yard, looking at my neighbor Cathy Robertson, who effortlessly has the entire town wrapped around her pinky finger.
In here, it is no different.There’s a hierarchy, and I’ve just realized my place.Elizabeth has the spotlight.All eyes are on her.Never mind that I’m the one bleeding.
And here, all this time, as I was locked in that room with her, I thought she was the enemy.I thought she was the troublemaker, despised by all, but it appears I was wrong.Dead wrong.She is revered, and I have made a huge mistake by double crossing her.
My stomach turns as I realize exactly what Elizabeth has done.What she’s pulled off.How could I have been such a fool?
She gave Nurse Wagnon exactly what she wanted.A new menace to deal with.She’d hand-delivered her a new and better problem.And that problem was me.
“I had no idea everyone was so chummy around here,” I say when the hallway is cleared and quiet again.
“Let’s just say I make fast friends.”Elizabeth scoffs.This time, she turns and looks at me.“Usually.”
