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Chapter Thirty-Eight
Grace
Alice first brings the children to visit me on a Tuesday.I don’t think I have ever been more excited about anything in my entire life.She tells me that her husband has hired an attorney to get me out of here.My hearing is one week from today.Everyone expects my release.The hearing is said to be nothing more than a formality, but even so, I’m scared to get my hopes up.
My previous order for release was denied.I start to fear the worst, but Alice keeps telling me to stay positive, that there was no explanation as to why my release was denied.I try to remain optimistic, but it is hard.
Without Elizabeth, everything has lost its color.
I'm already packed with my belongings in a small bag, waiting for someone to give the word.At some point, I’m leaving this place behind, and that’s all that matters to me.
The children visit, and I hate to say goodbye to them, but I keep a smile on my face, anyway.They’ve grown so much in just a few short weeks—weeks that feel like a lifetime to me.For them, it’s like no time has passed at all.I guess children are resilient that way.Toby tells me of the woman, Nona, who they stayed with.He speaks of helping her cook, of tending to animals, goats and rabbits, and a donkey.Eleanor doesn’t say much, but she’s two, so that’s expected.She’s extra clingy, but otherwise happy.And my Phillip.I hardly recognize him.They say newborns change a little every day, and that feels like the understatement of the century.He coos now, and he’s certainly more alert than he was the last time I saw him.
Alice tells me Charles is improving every day.Her husband spoke with him by phone, and soon he’ll be well enough to make the trip back to Texas.
On the Monday before the hearing, a nurse comes to my room in solitary right before lunch and tells me I have to meet with the assistant director, who seems to have a message for me.
At first, I think it might be good news, but I can’t help but think of the worst possible, most appalling reason he might want to see me.
She leads me to the director’s office.He seems a lot more reserved and serious than I remembered.This is it, I tell myself.They are going to tell me I won’t be released after all.
Once I am in his office, the director looks at me and says, “Mrs.Solomon, I have bad news.”
My heart skips a beat.What was it?Charles?The children?I was too scared to ask.
“They have canceled the hearing.”
But I was promised it would happen.
My heart pounds, I feel a cold sweat all over my body, and my breathing becomes short.I put a hand over my mouth, and I close my eyes.“No.No,” I say, whispering.
“Mrs.Solomon, are you okay?”
“No, I’m not.”My breathing comes deeper.I think I’m having a panic attack or a heart attack, I’m not sure.
“Is there anything I can do for you?”the director asks, sounding genuinely concerned.“Can I get you some water?”
“No, there’s nothing you can do for me.”I put my head in my hands, covering my face.“There’s nothing anyone can do for me.”
I imagined leaving his office, walking back to that padded cell in solitary confinement.I imagined laying down on the bed.I could barely breathe.I imagined laying down and never getting up again.I had tried to stay optimistic, to be strong for Charles and Alice, for the kids, for myself, but my hearing getting canceled feels like the last straw.
Just then, the director stands up and smiles widely.“The reason the hearing has been canceled is because you are free to go.”
My head snaps up, and our eyes meet.
“There's been new evidence in your case.”
“What evidence?”
He shakes his head.“That I can't say.I can only tell you, you’re free to go.”
I feel a rush of warmth and relief.
I am free.
I thank him and leave his office.I didn’t know what to do with myself.
I don't remember anything after that.I don't even remember leaving the building exactly.It felt like a dream.Like an out-of-body experience.It couldn't be real.It was too good to be true.
