Page 29 of Sexual Healing


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Dan giggled, amused. “Aw, don’t I do it for you anymore?”

“It’s not that. It would be creepy now because you’re like a son to me. I noticed you called me grandmother. I’m not that old.”

“My apologies,” he said. “Don’t look now, but here comes Sandra.”

Dan got up so Sandra would have the grandmothers’ full attention, but when he did so, he noticed Andrew Roman watching her.

Rather than disappear, he decided to confront Laura and her new old-man boyfriend. She was unable to hide the cringe when she saw him approach. Will was occupied talking to Pam, Jake and Andrew Roman, so Dan didn’t hesitate.

“Nice to see you, too,” he said sarcastically, not missing the cringe. “You gonna introduce me?”

“Get lost, please,” she whispered. “Why are you doing this?”

“We are old friends, remember? I think you might have jilted me for this guy, so at the very least I deserve an introduction.”

“When he’s no longer engaged, I’ll introduce you. Where’s your baker friend? Last I saw, you were attached at the hip.”

“We’ve never been attached at the hip, not for an hour or a day. Anyway, she’s not my type after all.”

“No. I didn’t think so from the get-go.”

“How do you know anything about her?”

“When Steve and I were first together, we got coffee at that shop every day. All her baked goods have an aftertaste. I can’t describe it. Something chemical.”

“It’s a preservative so they last longer than half a day.”

“Oh, I see. So her crappy muffins are day old, but you aren’t supposed to know that because she used formaldehyde in all her recipes.”

“Is it that bad?”

“I think so. I remember Pam’s niece Miranda once saying their cookies tasted like toilet cleaner smelled.”

“Oh, that’s not good. Someone should tell Adam.”

“She’s been doing that long before Adam set foot in the US. So now that we’ve cleared up yourex-girlfriend, when is someone going to tell me what’s going on with Jake?”

“I really can’t say anything, Laura. He’s your boss; ask him yourself. How do you know anything’s wrong?”

“Will saw him in the ER, which he shouldn’t have told me. He didn’t approach him, but he just knew he was there. I’m not even sure why Will was up there in the first place. He’s always down in the bowels of the hospital.”

“Right, because he’s the medical examiner,” Dan said, nodding. “You are a perfect match. A private eye…”

“Not quite yet.”

“…and the ME. I like that. The older, grizzled coroner and the young, beautiful PI.”

“He’s not exactly grizzled, Dan. His hair is salt and pepper and curly.”

“I’m sorry. I’m just jealous.”

“Aw, don’t be jealous. I’m not all that. You’d have been miserable with me. I’m actually very needy, looking for a father figure.”

“Is that what he is?”

“Well, he’s wise, and he gives good advice and doesn’t get sick of me when I have PMS, and he’s faithful. You, my friend, are incapable of faithfulness.”

“That’s so unfair,” Dan said, feeling a little guilty. “So! Moving on. Do you have any single friends you can introduce me to? Because I’ve about run the gamut here in Babylon.”

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