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“Surprise,” she said, contrite.
“What are you doing here, at the house of such a reprobate as me?” he asked, stopping on the sidewalk.
Trying not to laugh, she opened the door and got out.
“Can we agree to disagree?” she asked softly. “I’m not going to run to the police and report them, if that’s what you’re worried about.”
“Lily, what you said was mean. I’m not sure I can be with anyone like that. Do you know what? My little boy is being picked on because he’s indigenous. It breaks my heart that we’re still there.”
“Wait, are you equating my beliefs with racism?”
“Yes, I am sort of. You’re judging two young people who didn’t even know they were related to each other until they were adults. They didn’t grow up together, it was just a miracle that they even discovered they had the same father, and casting hatred upon them because of it is cruel.”
Taking a deep breath, she didn’t want to rehash the issue. “Look, I’m sorry, okay? I’ll apologize to Adam tomorrow, too, if I even have a job. I don’t care that Ryan had a kid with her. It’s a nonissue. I was shocked, that’s all. Like you are when you hear a piece of unbelievable gossip. Don’t tell me you weren’t shocked when you found out, either.”
“Yeah, I’m not going there. It’snone of my business.”
“So will you forgive me?”
“I have to think about this, Lily. It won’t mean that we’re going to hook up again.”
“Wait, I thought you loved me.”
“I loved you when I thought you were you. That side of you came out of nowhere. I bet Adam is still in shock.”
“I wouldn’t know. I didn’t go back to work after you left.”
He didn’t know what to do. Everything he’d thought he found attractive about Lily had been overshadowed by that one issue. Watching her, he decided he didn’t even like her.
“I’m still me. I had a moment of meanness. That’s all it was.”
“I don’t know, Lily. It feels like so much more than meanness.”
“So what do you want to do now?” she asked, wanting him to take her in his arms, wanting him to kiss her and tell her he loved her again. “I guess your love isn’t unconditional.”
“Okay, you judging me now? My love is what it is. If you turn into a monster, I’m not going to listen to my heart.”
“It wasn’t that bad.”
“Lily, yes, it was. You could have hurt my family. I had to weigh that, had to balance what was important. Me, or my entire family?”
“How would it hurt your family? I’m missing something.”
“If you made your accusations about Ryan and he was jailed because of it, it would leave Lisa and my boys without their husband and father.”
She opened her mouth to argue again, and he was finished.
“You know what, I’m sick of talking about this. I don’t want to give you a reason. Go home, Lily. We’ll talk tomorrow.”
“Okay, if that’s what you want.”
“Right now, it’s what I want,” he said, walking up the path to his front door.
She got back into her car, but he didn’t wave goodbye or look out the door at her, so she pulled out of the driveway and headed back to her apartment.
In his house, Dan went through his usual motions, getting a beer out of the fridge even though he was already feeling no pain. Lily showing up like that annoyed him. It had been great with her at the beginning. Why couldn’t it stay like that? Maybe ignorance was bliss. He’d never know about her if Adam hadn’t opened his mouth. What was better? Truth? Now he was alone again.
Running his hand through his hair, he didn’t want a complex relationship. He wanted peace and beauty and passion. Laughing, he knew he sounded like an idealist girl.
