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They had sandwiches and chips, standard picnic food. After they cleaned up, Leon didn’t waste any time reaching for her. They lay down together on the blanket, and he kissed her.
“I have sandwich breath,” she said.
“So do I. Do you care?”
“Not now I don’t.”
Fondling each other on the outside of their clothes for a while was exciting, and at her prompting, he dug his hand into the back of her pants. The sweaty, hot feel of her skin made him lose the desire he’d had for her that had been so intense just a moment earlier. He wanted to push her away, but held off, pretending that he had stopped for some noble reason.
“I’m sorry, I just got carried away.”
“That’s okay. I’m carried away, too. You don’t have to stop.”
“It’s getting late,” he said, “and we don’t want to give a show to any peepers.”
“I didn’t even think of that. You’re right. Thank you.”
She sat up and straightened her clothes while he checked the baby without touching her, just wanting to wash his hands. What had he been thinking? Feeling disgusted at himself for using her, he dug through the diaper bag for a baby wipe to clean his hands. Francine closed the cooler and helped to prepare to leave. Carrying the cooler back to their vehicles while she pushed the baby, he thought up an excuse to call it a night when they reached her car.
“Don’t you want me to help you load up the truck?”
“I’m good. I’ve got it.”
“Do you want to follow me back to my place?”
“I have an early appointment,” he lied. “Violet needs to get her bath and into her crib.”
“Oh, okay. Thanks for the picnic, Leon. This was a great way to spend a Sunday afternoon.”
“I’ll call you,” he said, wondering how he could get out of it.
He didn’t kiss her, taking the stroller from her while carrying the cooler. So he laughed a little,ha ha, arms full,and nodded to her.
If she was disappointed, she didn’t let on, smiling and waving as she got into her car. Politely, he waved to her and waited for her to drive off before he left. All he wanted to do was to wash her smell off with soap and water. Resting his head on the steering wheel, he sighed, miserable and full of regret. A pang of guilt hit him. So his girlfriend was sad about her husband dying. What did he do? He hooked up with someone he didn’t care about to try to make himself feel better instead of reaching out to Ava to see what could be done about makingherfeel better.
“You really are a turd,” he said, getting his phone out.
She answered on the first ring. “Do you have to work tomorrow?”
“No, I just got off, remember? I’m calling to apologize. What can I do to help you? That was really shitty of me to put everything on you.”
“You’re fine, Leon. It’s my fault for keeping my feelings a secret from someone who loves me. Christmas is a really hard time of year.”
“You said he’ll be gone two years in December?”
“Yes, on the twentieth. He was taking a family to Colorado to ski for their Christmas vacation. They think he had engine trouble and couldn’t find a place to put it down.”
“Ava, I’m so sorry. How awful and sad for you and his children.”
“Thank you, Leon. The whole experience, losing him and then his girls, was devastating. You and Violet are helping me move forward, but it’s two steps forward, one step back.”
“Can I see you? I promise it’s just to talk. I’m in my truck with Sleeping Beauty.”
“I’ll come to your place. I’m ready to talk about it. Ineedto talk about it. Thank you, Leon.”
“I’ll be home in ten minutes,” he said.
“I’m on my way.”
