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After he took care of Violet, he hopped in the shower to get all traces of the afternoon off his body. Ava got to the apartment, and they held each other and kissed like they’d never been apart. He was going to be honest with her about seeing Francine for the walk, and leave out the kissing detail.
“I ran into a high school acquaintance after church and invited her to walk in the park. I wanted you to know. I’m not interested in her and realized real fast that it was a waste of time. And then when I was in the truck, how selfish I’d been hit me up the side of the head.”
“You’re not selfish. It wasn’t fair, expecting you to read my mind,” Ava replied. “I’m losing it again, like it just happened. Last Christmas I felt like I held my breath from Thanksgiving until New Year’s. I just wanted it to be over with. I don’t know how I’ll survive it this year. It feels harder than before.”
“Are you missing him?”
“It’s not even that, Leon. Of course, I miss him from time to time, but it’s not constant anymore. But Christmas, god, last year was so awful. I was so lonely. I just couldn’t wait for everyone to take their damn Christmas decorations down.”
“We’ll have to avoid the Saint household, then. My mother already has six trees up and decorated, one in each room.”
“Now, see, Iwant todo that! I want a house full of kids again, and a tree in each public room and maybe even one in the bedrooms.” She lowered her head in her hands and began to weep. “I wanted to make a commitment to you. I missed you, Leon. But the guilt, I just couldn’t overcome the damn guilt.”
Taking her in his arms, the feel of her against his body just melted him.
“I’m trying to figure this out,” he said, petting her. “So you miss me and you want to be with me. But you feel guilty about it because of Alex.”
“That’s about it.”
“What if I back off the demands for a commitment? I can learn to live without it, Ava. But I don’t want to be away from you. I have to learn to use different language, I guess.”
“I’m sorry I’m making it so difficult,” she said, finally relaxing. She even giggled, collapsing into him. “When we’re together like this, I realize how much I love you and Violet.”
“Can I say that I don’t want to live without you and not make it harder for you?”
“You can say it,” she murmured in his ear. “I love you, Leon. I don’t want to be without you, either.”
She’d missed his touch over the past days, longing for him at night so badly her body ached. Taking his face in her hands, she kissed him, her tongue skimming his lips. “I missed you, baby,” she whispered, reaching for his waistband, giving it a gentle tug. “Can I?”
“You can if I can.” Gliding over her body with his hands, the memory of the last time they were together sent an electric charge through him, heat pulsating through his groin.
They’d end up in bed, making love, making up for lost time. “Let’s never be apart again,” she said later, lying next to him. He was facedown, his arm across her body, and she ran her fingertips up and down the middle of his back.
“That feels so good,” he mumbled. “Everything you do to me feels good.”
“Same here,” she whispered, closing her eyes.
When Violet woke up to eat at three that morning, Ava was still there.
***
“Can you sublet this place?”
Ava sat at Grandma Isabella Saint’s mid-century modern Formica kitchen table, wearing one of Leon’s dress shirts with her leg under her, drinking coffee he’d made. Standing at the stove with a dish towel tucked into the front of his sweatpants, he flipped a pancake over.
“I’m not sure. Why?”
“I have that big house, and I think you and Violet should move in with me. We’ve sort of come full circle again, and we’ll probably do that from time to time, but right now, I want to be with you, but I want to be at home. Would you be comfortable there?”
“I’m comfortable at your house. Why didn’t I move in there in the first place?” he asked, looking off into space with his face screwed up into a frown.
“It was too early. You were worried about Roberta and Big Mike, understandably.”
“I don’t care what they think now.” He looked over at her from his place at the stove. “I don’t need to worry about pleasing my mom and dad. They’ve told me as much. My brother Mike once told me his wife wouldn’t marry him either, so they lived together.”
“So what do you think?”
“I’ll look into it.”
