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The only thing standing in my way was me, and it was time I faced the mistakes of my past instead of running.
Except now, I had to run.
I needed to distance myself from the people I loved—especially Asa. He was too good, too pure, and I couldn’t taint him with the sins of a misguided youth. No, this couldn’t come back on him. I didn’t think we’d survive it, and losing him that way would crush me.
It was better for me to go now. This way, I could control the fallout, and perhaps once I was done, once I’d completed my mission, we could start again. Better. Stronger.
It was the only sliver of hope I’d allow myself to hang on to.
“Want to go with everyone to the beach? I think some sea turtles were laying their eggs?” Asa asked, bringing me back to the present.
I looked down, realizing I’d eaten all my cake and hadn’t even noticed. Turning into him, I kissed his cheek as I tried to hide the falling tear.
“I’ve got a headache. I’ll call it a night, but you should go.”
Asa observed me, trying to gauge my feelings. He’d done that a lot in the past six months. “I can stay with you.”
He took my hand, squeezing it. The comfort he was providing was too much, and I knew I was about to cave. Shaking my head, I cupped his cheek, taking in his face for one last time. I wanted to remember this look of love he had in case he never held it again.
“No, it’s okay. I promise I’m fine. Go, have fun and make sure none of them get into trouble. I don’t think anyone can deal with seeing Sawyer naked again.” I chuckled, trying to distract him from my goodbye.
Asa grimaced, recalling how we’d been greeted yesterday morning before responding. “Are you sure? I don’t mind staying back.”
“Positive. I know how much you were hoping to see the turtles. Go. I promise, I’m good.” He hesitated and I could see him wavering. Buckling down, I spread my most perfect Fin smile across my face. Asa melted, giving in.
“Okay. I’ll check on you in a bit then.”
“I love you, Asa,” I said, holding the tears from my voice.
He kissed my cheek. “I love you, Fin.”
It was everything I needed to hear and what I would hold on to over the next few months. He walked off, joining the group, and I waved, trying to keep in my emotions, not wanting them to see what I was feeling. I needed this time to make my escape.
Once they were all gone, my body relaxed for a second before the adrenaline of what was to come surged through me. My heart began to race as I walked up the stairs to my room. This was it. I was really doing it.
Stepping into the space, I could smell Asa’s cologne mixed with my perfume, and I took a breath, needing to store the memory. Wiping the tears that fell unashamedly now, I pulled the letter I’d written earlier out of my journal, and placed it on his pillow. Tears dropped onto it as I tried to wipe them away. It was cowardly to leave this way, but I wouldn’t have the courage to do it any other way. I just prayed he’d forgive me.
Changing quickly, I grabbed the bag I’d packed with the essentials and a couple of outfits and tiptoed down the stairs to the front door in case anyone had returned. Tears trailed down my face quicker as I left everything and everyone I knew behind. I opened the thick front door and walked through with determination, promising myself it was worth it.
Dressed in black leather pants, a black top, and black boots, I blended into the night as I crept down the driveway. I might be running away, but I could still do it in style. No one would ever accuse me of being boring at least.
I spotted the car idling for me at the end of the road. A warm sensation filled my body at Milo coming through, but I shoved it away with everything else I refused to look at where he was concerned.
I knew leaving this way would hurt; it was a punch to the gut, but I’d run out of options. If I didn’t do this, if I didn’t go now, I’d always be watching over my shoulder, waiting for him, never truly growing. Regret would rule my life, and I didn’t want to live that way anymore.
I would never be happy—not until he’d been dealt with.
Shoving my bag into the tiny trunk of the expensive sports car, I opened the door, sliding in.
Milo smiled over at me, his eyes twinkling in the lights of the interior. “You get out, okay?”
“Yeah. No one saw me. Thanks,” I paused, swallowing, “for doing this for me.”
“You know I’m here for you, Finley, whatever you need. Besides, it’s kind of my thing to be the one to save you.”
Smiling, I tried to ignore the confused butterflies erupting at his words. It didn’t matter, though. They were there, swirling around with everything else I felt guilty about. I was tired of feeling guilty. Buckling up, I settled in for the drive and pulled out the list I’d made.
Find him
