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Fear rushed through me at possibly losing my chance to finally have Finley in my life. So, I did the only thing I could think of at that moment.
“Well, I’m sorry to hear you feel that way. If you don't want to share what I’m accused of, then maybe a few days to cool off is in order.” I smiled at my pun, moving to open the door. Standing in the middle of it, I turned and looked at them. “I’m sorry it’s come to this.”
Shutting the door, I punched in my code, sealing them inside until I unlocked it again. I heard the knob turn and a scream when it didn’t open. Fire filled my veins as I walked back to my office, determined to make Finley talk to me and realize I was the man for her.
Twenty-Three
FINLEY
The door slammed closed,and we all stood there, staring. I rushed toward it, twisting it. Screaming, I backed away. My breathing was coming out ragged as I tried to put all the puzzle pieces together.
MKG still existed.
Blackhawk was Cohen’s handler.
He wanted me as part of the Order.
The air left me, and I sunk down to the ground, no longer able to keep standing. The memory I’d tried so hard to ignore, the one where everything had culminated, rose to the surface, and I could no longer deny it existed.
If MKG was still operating, what did that mean? Was this Obsidian? Mongoose’s ghost? Were they after us? Were any of us safe?
“Fin?” a voice beckoned, but I was too stunned, too overwhelmed, to hear it. The realization that a long-forgotten ghost had emerged had me withdrawing. I couldn’t do this. I was too weak to deal with this. It would be better if I just checked out. I didn’t deserve love. I wasn’t owed anything.
The things I’d done meant I was destined to live a life of solitude, never able to repair the damage I’d caused.
There was no redemption to be found here. I was deluding myself into believing I could. It didn’t matter that I’d found Blackhawk. He might’ve been the one to set me up, but he wasn’t the one with blood on his hands. That honor lay only with me.
I’d killed Mongoose, and then conveniently forgot about it to appease my guilt.
“She’s in shock. The door’s locked. Cohen, can you hack it?”
“Unlikely, if the Order designed it that way, there’s no way I’m getting through it.”
“Call him back. She needs help. Do it!Now!”
The disembodied voices floated around me. I knew the familiar sounds, but it didn’t seem to matter. Nothing mattered.
I’d killed someone, and when my family knew, they’d toss me out like I deserved. There was no hope for me. I should’ve taken that bottle of pills all those years ago. Maybe then I would’ve saved someone from dying.
Closing my eyes, I let the blackness take me, praying it would all be over soon. There was no redemption for the broken and downtrodden. Happiness and love were a lie I told myself to wake up every morning. But I didn’t deserve to wake up.
Twenty-Four
ASA
Panic surged through me,and I glanced around, trying to figure out what to do. Everything had spiraled in the last ten minutes, and I felt like someone had hit me in the head with a hockey puck. Milo hovered over Fin where she’d passed out on the floor. Cohen angrily paced back and forth as he tried to reach someone on the phone and I stood there, useless as I tried not to pee my pants.
Fin thought I was perfect, but this was where I failed. I didn’t know how to handle things like this. I’d been faced with that realization when she’d been taken, and as she laid on the ground, going into shock, I was hit with it again.
I wasn’t enough, and ultimately it was why I realized I needed the other guys. Because at some point, she would’ve realized it too, and then she would leave.
I was always the one who was left behind.
It had happened since birth when my twin was taken from me. I could feel a part of me missing, and I unconsciously overcompensated for that loss with my parents until finally, I wasn’t enough to engage my father’s interest, and he abandoned me altogether. My mother was easier to appease, but I could tell she was missing part of her heart. When I found Sawyer, I felt whole again. Everything felt like it was aligning.
But then Fin had been taken, and I realized my flaw.
I wasn’t good in a crisis. I couldn’t do anything. I had no discernible skills outside of hockey. It was just a waiting game until everyone else figured it out.
