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Even though Ash is doing the cooking, Gage and Priest don’t leave the kitchen. They hover protectively, like they want to be here, just in case something happens.
I don’t try to send them away, even though they must all be tired. It’s not like they’d listen anyway.
Gage makes coffee, and Priest gets down two glasses from the cabinet. He fills one with water and the other with orange juice and puts them in front of me.
I drink the water quickly and gratefully. My mouth feels cottony and dry from drinking all the booze and then throwing up all the booze, and the water is cold and delicious. I’m probably also dehydrated from... everything.
The juice, I take slower, and Ash presents me with a plate a few minutes later. Four pieces of toast, buttered just how I like them, and the cut up fruit. I bypass the jam and nibble on the toast and fruit, finishing about half the plate before I can’t eat anymore.
“It’s good enough,” Gage says with a little nod and then snags the rest of my toast for himself. “Are you going to try to get more sleep?”
“I don’t know.” Part of me is afraid to close my eyes again, knowing what I’ll see when I do. I don’t want to dream Hannah’s death on a loop again, even if I can feel the tiredness pulling at me. “I’m going to shower first.”
He nods, and they watch as I get up and head upstairs to my room. Surprisingly, none of them follow me up.
I stand in my room for a second, just breathing through everything. I don’t even really remember leaving the bed earlier, or getting dressed or any of it. I was in such a fucking haze, just going through the motions, doing whatever felt like it would help at the time.
My clothes are a mess, wrinkled and stained with booze and cum and dirt and grime from the bar. I strip them off and notice that my shirt is bloodstained too, from where Knox carved into my skin in the bathroom.
The dirty clothes go into a pile on the floor, and I move into the bathroom, cranking the water in the shower until steam fills the room.
I hiss when I get in and that hot water hits the cuts on my back and the stitches in my arm. I’d almost forgotten about that one.
But the pain is good, so I don’t flinch away from it. It’s another reminder that I can feel. That I’m still here.
I take my time, washing up slowly. Bloody water swirls down the drain when I rinse off, and then I lather my washcloth and start trying to clean the night from my skin.
After a bit, the door to the bathroom opens, and I peek around the shower curtain to see Ash coming in.
“I’m not gonna leave again,” I tell him. And I mean that. He probably came or was sent by the other guys to keep an eye on me, like I need a guard on me twenty-four-seven or something now. I was fucked up in the head before and not really thinking straight, but I don’t plan to do that again.
Ash smiles, although it’s not really the one I’m used to. It’s sad at the edges, and doesn’t light up his amber eyes the way it normally does.
“I know,” he says. “I don’t think you’re going to run again. I just... want to be near you. If that’s okay.”
I suck in a sharp breath. The simple honesty in his words breaks me a little, making my chest ache. The truth is, I want to be near him too. I don’t want to be alone with this.
So I push the shower curtain aside even more and gesture for him to join me.
His smile gets a little brighter at that, like maybe he was worried I was going to send him away or something. I watch as he strips down and sets his glasses on the sink. He’s always nice to look at, and that hasn’t changed, but now I’m more grateful for his company than anything else.
Ash wraps his arms around me once he’s in the shower with me, and I pull the curtain closed again.
He holds me tight, just like Priest did before, and we stand there under the spray.
