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I watch Dr. Forrester shake her head. “It’s always a long road, Hunter. You will always have these urges. The best thing to do is to figure out how to change gears, or keep yourself from giving in.”
“Will it ever get any easier?”
Dr. Forrester sighs and shakes her head. “Afraid not. You’re not the only one with triggers like this. Many people don’t want to be alone. Many people have their own vices. Smoking, eating, orself harm. It doesn’t have to be drugs and alcohol.”
I nod, knowing she’s right, but still wishing there is any easier way to fix me. I don’t want to be feeling this way for the rest of my life. I don’t want to be seeing Millie next year and feeling like I need to run in order to prevent myself from doing anything stupid.
“So, have you thought of a way to keep yourself busy after this session?”
I smile, happy to know I’ve done at least something right today. “Rachel is meeting me here and then we are getting some food at this burger joint we like. And then later we are meeting up with Seth and Lucas. Lucas won this big writing contest so we’re celebrating.”
“That sounds great.”
I nod. “Yeah. Lucas, Seth, and Rachel; all of them are great. They’ve been really helpful during this whole thing.”
“And football is going well?”
Thinking of football and Coach makes my shoulder twinge and I move it, happy to finally have the pain gone. “Yeah. I’m seeing a physical therapist so no more painkillers. I’m a bit nervous about next year though, seeing how it’s my senior year. I need to make sure that I play enough to get spotted by the NFL scouts. I hardly played at all during January and February, so I will need to work harder next season.”
I watch Dr. Forrester nod and write on her clipboard. “Just take one thing at a time,” she says while she continues to write. “It’s good to have goals, but you don’t want to injury yourself again.”
Talking with Dr. Forrester makes me feel like the world isn’t going to burn down. I actually feel like I can be a person in this small room. Even though I still have issues with Millie and I still cry when I think about my mom, I also feel like I am slowly getting better. I am slowly becoming the man I want to be.
And I can’t wait to be that man for Rachel.
“What are your plans for summer? Are you going to continue with training? Get a job? Do you have any goals in mind?”
I frown, thinking of what I am going to do while she is away in Paris. With everything going on, I haven’t been able to save up any money. Lucas is going with the money he earned from his writing contest. Apparently, his dad has an apartment for Rachel to stay in. Seth can go with some money his coach last minute scrounged up.
But what about me?
