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“Bro, stop,” Seth grunts, and it’s then I realize I am struggling against him, my body trying to lurch forward, to run after Fuck-face and finish what I started. With a long inhale, the tension in my shoulders eases and I feel my body relaxing, but my mind is running rampant. I can’t stop imagining this asshole grabbing her, pinning her down onto the ground, the sound of jingling—a belt being undone.
A shudder runs down my spine, and I close my eyes, looking away. I clench my jaw while trying to force the images away. They remain, relentless. My hands fist, and I turn around before opening my eyes and scowling at the apartment building door.
“Alex?” I hear Seth ask, his voice laced with worry.
I don’t think he’s ever seen this side of me. Hell, I didn’t even know I had this side. I guess we’re both learning something new today. I don’t like it. I don’t enjoy being this angry. I need to punch something. I need to calm down. My heart won’t stop beating and my face feels so hot, like I’m going to explode.
“Rachel says they’re in apartment number 20,” says Seth while touching my shoulder.
I flinch away from him, my gaze meeting his, wide and worried.
“It’s on the second floor. Shall we go up?” he asks when I don’t say anything.
I nod my head, feeling numb. I follow him into the apartment, forcing myself not to look over my shoulder. I know the moment I do, I will run after that asshole, and I don’t think even Seth will be able to stop me.
We trudge through the hallway in silence. The floors are sweep and clean. The lights are bright. There is even a bulletin board covered with papers advertising kittens to adopt, Italian private lessons, free yoga classes, and the like. I try to concentrate on my surroundings, rather than the anger and pain I’m feeling. But I can’t stop myself from thinking, Why didn’t Rachel tell me?
She probably didn’t want me to think any different of her, I reason with myself. And she probably didn’t want to relive a traumatic experience. I can’t help myself from feeling less connected to her. Does Hunter know what happened? Lucas? I scowl and shake my head. Of course they do. Seth said Rachel went to them for help.
“Bro, are you okay?” Seth asks, standing on the top step.
My hand grips the banister, my fingers digging into the wood. I urge myself to step forward, but I can’t. I’m too in my head. I can’t wrap my brain around any of this. How should I act around Rachel when I see her? I can’t give her a hug. She’ll know something is up. I don’t even know if I can ask about what happened between her and Josh. Will she push me away?
“Okay, I can clearly see that you’re upset,” Seth says with a sigh.
He steps down the staircase until he’s standing right in front of me. At this angle, he’s slightly taller. I suppose he likes that. Now he can look down on me. Ugh. Why am I being so negative?
“Want to talk about it?”
I make a face. That’s not something Seth would say. “Why?” I ask bitterly, my hand tightening on the banister. “There’s nothing to talk about.”
Seth sighs and crosses his arms while he tilts his head at me, obviously not believe a word coming out of my mouth. “Rachel didn’t tell you?”
I bristle. How is he able to see right through me? How is he able to read me as if I’m an open book? “No, she didn’t,” I whisper while shaking my head.
“Look,” Seth says while laying a hand on my shoulder. “It doesn’t mean anything. She probably just doesn’t want to relive it.”
I nod. “I know.” It still doesn’t make me feel any better.
“I’m sure she would be so happy to know how much you care about her,” Seth says softly, making my eyebrows tent at how kind he’s being, at how soft his voice is. Do I see those lips of his lifting into a smile? Is this really Seth? Our Seth?
“Happy and scared,” Seth adds with a deep frown. “I never thought of you as the violent type. Bro, you can seriously be scary when you want to be.”
I chuckle and rub the back of my head, my anger and sorrow subsiding. “Yeah, I even freaked myself out. I don’t know what happened. I just saw red. All I wanted to do was strangle that scrawny little neck of his until his face turned blue.”
Seth nods, smiling at me. “Completely understandable.” He sighs and runs a hand through his hair. “I’m surprised I was even able to hold you back.”
I frown as I watch Seth lower himself onto the stairs. He tilts his head back, his eyes closing. He looks so frail. His face is so pale and the darkness around his eyes worsen under the lighting. Staring at him now, I see how his body is quivering.
“Seth, are you okay?” I ask while crouching in front of him, my hand on the banister keeping me from tumbling backward.
Seth shakes his head. “I feel so spent. That legit took all the strength I had. I’m so exhausted,” he adds shakily.
“Well, maybe you can rest at Lauren’s place. You did drink a lot.”
“No, that’s not it,” Seth breathes while shaking his head. His eyes open and he stares back at me, looking sorrow filled. I’ve never seen this side of Seth. I suppose it’s a day filled with new things.
“Something is seriously wrong with me,” he continues with a sniff and for a moment I think he will cry. Instead, he keeps it together and says, “I’ve been trying to ignore it, but I don’t think I can anymore. I feel like such shit, and I’m worried I’m too far gone to fix it.”
