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I chuckle awkwardly while raking a hand through my hair. “I know. I’m sorry. Some things came up.”
The main thing being Seth. I still haven’t gotten the chance to talk with him about this crazy career choice I’m making. This morning I decided fuck it. If he doesn’t want to be in an open relationship with me, then I can do whatever I want with my life. He has no say over what I want to do career wise and if I want to travel the world. Quite frankly, he has no say in whatever I want to do with my life.
“Is the position still open?” I ask, trying to sound sunny and nice when deep down I’m dying inside. She’s going to say no. I can just hear it. I waited too long and now I’ve missed my chance.
There’s a long pause as I wait for her to tell me to fuck off. Instead, I hear another irritated sigh followed by, “Yes. It is. Are you interested, Alex? Is that why you’re calling me?”
“Yep, indeed it is. And I promise to be more communicative in the future, Susan. I know you’re a busy woman.”
“Yes, I am. And you better be. I don’t have time to fuck around with indecisive idiots.”
I gulp. Hopefully, she doesn’t mean me by that statement. “I’m definitely interested, Susan. You can count on me.”
“Good. We will need you in Chicago on October 10th. You’ll be gone for about a week doing a spring photoshoot for Puma. I’ll have someone forward you the pickup and housing details tonight.”
“Perfect. I will be waiting for it.”
“Oh, and Alex,” Susan adds before I can hang up.
“Yeah?” Why do I feel like she’s going to say something terrible?
“Don’t fuck this up. You only get one chance at this. You got it?”
“Loud and clear,” I say shakily.
I sigh as I hear the click on the other line and shove my phone into my pocket. Well, that was interesting, but at least I can still go through with my plans. First Chicago, and then if I’m lucky, a few more photoshoots before Hamburg. This will be good for me. I’ve been stuck at him for the past month, bored out of my mind and lonely. At least, this way, I will be doing something I enjoy and making some money to help our growing family. I don’t need to feel guilty. Seth wouldn’t feel guilty if he was in my shoes.
I hear the door open followed by an annoyed, “Hello?”
Great. Speak of the devil.
“Hey!” I call back, trying to sound as sweet as possible.
Seth trudges into the room, his hair frazzled, dark circles surrounding his eyes. “What have you been up to all day?” Seth asks, sounding annoyed while he dumps his bag onto the floor. “Studying? Cleaning? Making cupcakes?”
No. I’ve been busy looking into places to visit in Chicago and if I need to study German when I go to Hamburg. Looks like, I do, which reminds me I need to go to the bookstore to pick up a small German phrase book when I have the time.
Rather than say these things, I shrug, knowing Seth doesn’t actually want an answer, and watch him fling himself onto the couch. “You okay?” I ask, hovering above him, not knowing if I should sit or give him space. “You want to go for a run?”
Seth groans. “Hells to the fucking no. I’m so exhausted. Work was hell today.” He pitches forward and runs his hands through his hair. “Usually we aren’t this busy during the school year, but we had a whole group of girls come in wanting to get fitted for some race that’s coming up.” He rolls his eyes. “Don’t they know the shoes need to be actually worn in before running in a race? That’s asking for blisters, but nooooo they don’t want to take any of my advice.” Seth scoffs and rolls his eyes again. “They better not come crying to me, demanding for a refund when they discover sores all over their feet.”
“That bad, huh?” I ask, still fighting with myself over if I should sit next to him… if I should tell him about Chicago and Germany. He’s had a terrible day. He looks overworked and exhausted. I should leave him to rest and go for my run. I need to keep this body in tiptop shape for the upcoming photoshoots.
“Terrible.” Seth pats the seat next to me, giving a lazy smile while leaning back against the cushions. “Come. Make me feel better. Tell me I’m making loads of money and I should be happy I found something to keep me busy.”
I should go for my run. Nothing good can come from this, but my body betrays me, my feet taking me to the couch. I sit on the edge, feeling like I’m walking into some kind of trap. Seth strokes my back, his eyes still on me, hungry.
“So, did you make those cupcakes?” Seth asks, his voice low, seductive, his hand pressing into my shoulder.
I chuckle awkwardly and bat his hand away, moving to the other side of the couch so there’s at least a cushion between us. “No,” I say while trying to ignore the irritated glint in his gaze. I know exactly why he’s irritated. I’m not being as clingy as he’s used to. I’m not in the mood to play his game. If he wants me, he can tell me.
“Well, then what did you do all day?” Seth asks, sounding huffy, his hand smacking the cushion in what I can presume is frustration. “Must be nice not having to go to work. You can just sit around here all day, napping… or working out.” His gaze slides over me lazily, lingering on my broad shoulders and my muscled arms.
“It’s actually quite lonely,” I say softly, turning my attention to my lap, needing to look anywhere, but at him. Should I tell him? He’s going to find out soon or later when I’m not here all the time.
“Lonely, you say?” Seth smirks and leans toward me. “I can fix that.”
His mouth is nearly on mine and for a brief second, my lips part, my eyes start to close. I want him to touch me. I want to feel his mouth on mine, but not like this. I don’t want to be his little kept secret any longer. It’s ruining my self-confidence and making me form an unhealthy complex.
