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Seth chuckles darkly and shakes his head. “Why would I be upset?”
“Because you’re acting weird.”
“Well, I’m a little shocked.” He smiles bitterly back at me, his hard eyes meeting mine. There’s no light in them. He’s angry. I can tell. And honestly, a little part of me is happy. “You could have at least discussed it with me.”
“And why would I discuss it with you, Seth?” I ask, matching his cruel smile with my own. “You’ve never once told me this thing between us is any more than physical.”
Seth rolls his eyes. “Oh, my God, Alex. I didn’t think I needed to spell it out for you.”
“So, do it then,” I shoot back, watching the alarms go off inside those widening brown eyes. “Spell it out for me. What are we, Seth?”
“Why are you asking this all of a sudden?”
I shrug. “I’m just trying to figure out why you’re so upset I will be in Hamburg in December. Will you miss me, Seth?”
Seth looks pained as he whispers, “Of course I’ll miss you.”
That’s not enough. I want more. I need more from him. “Why? Why will you miss me?”
Seth’s mouth opens and closes, reminding me of a fish gasping for air. “Because- Because you’ll be gone. A lot.”
My heart skips a beat and I step close to him, wanting to close the distance between us, but I need him to tell me what I’ve been wanting all these months. I want to know exactly how he feels. I want him to tell me he likes me, that he wants us to be something more than we currently are, that he wants us to be open about our relationship with Lucas and Hunter.
“And why do you care?” I barely feel the words leaving my lips.
Seth grimaces. “Because, it’s bullshit, Alex! You know you should tell the group about any drastic changes. How do you think Hunter and Lucas will react when they hear the news you’re going to be gone all the time? Did you even tell Rachel?”
Whatever hope I had is dashed by those words. I should have known better. Lucas and Hunter won’t give a fuck. This is just Seth being Seth. He doesn’t want to be honest with me. Well, I’m not going to play that game. He can tell his lies all he wants. I’m going to be truthful, even if it hurts.
“Yeah, I told Rachel,” I say harshly. “And she was completely supportive of me. Like a good girlfriend should be.”
“So, you spoke to Rachel and not me?”
“Why should I, Seth?” I shout, reaching my boiling point. There’s no point in talking to him any longer. We’re running round in circles, coming to the same conclusion over and over again—that Seth won’t be honest with me about how he feels, and that I’m completely over it. “It’s not like we’re anything more than fuck buddies.”
Seth bristles. His eyes glimmer back at me and I wonder briefly if he’s about to cry. But, that’s not right. Seth doesn’t cry. It’s too far below him. He only feels about four emotions and that’s angry, hungry, exhausted, and angrier. And besides, he doesn’t care about me. I don’t think he ever did. Whatever we experienced during training is long gone—like a blissful dream I can never return to.
“You know what, it’s fine,” says Seth while turning away from me and heading toward the door. “Do what you want. It has nothing to do with me.”
“Fine,” I say, following him out of my room.
“Just don’ come crying to me when it doesn’t work out.”
I roll my eyes, nearly crashing into him when he pauses in front of his room. “It will work out,” I whisper harshly into his ear before stalking down the stairs and out of the house.
I sprint forward, deciding to skip my stretches and warm up. Seth always has a way of getting under my skin. It’s only worsened these past few years. Whatever happened to enjoying our teasing moments together? Whatever happened to us running and enjoying each other’s company? Everything is all messed up and I have no clue how to turn it all around.
I can be mad at Seth all I want, but really, I only have myself to blame. He didn’t want to pursue anything with me. That kiss in Chicago was a complete mistake and he wanted to move on from it. I was the one who pushed it, and now I am the one dealing with the aftermath of thinking with my cock rather than my head. It’s not like I need another relationship in my life. I have Rachel. She’s the one who matters most right now. Especially, since she’s pregnant.
How did everything get so fucked up?
I press onward, concentrating on my breath and trying to ignore the tears in my eyes, or how I keep thinking of that strange look on Seth’s face when I told him about Hamburg. It doesn’t matter anymore. The truth is out and now I need to focus on myself. Seth will have to get used to me putting myself first.
I only wonder how he’s going to react when Rachel comes forward about her pregnancy.
Chapter 12
LUCAS
