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“Is it because you’re embarrassed of me?”
Seth grimaces. “No.”
“Are you embarrassed of us?”
Seth sighs and shakes his head. He’s still not looking at me. I have no clue what he means. Is he or is he not embarrassed of our relationship?
“Do you even like me?”
Seth doesn’t answer and I feel my heart shattering into tiny little pieces I don’t know if I will ever be able to piece back together. “I-Seth…” I begin, but pause, not knowing what I want to say. I’m too upset for words. Breathing is becoming difficult. All I feel is pain. I need to get as far away from him as possible before I do something I will regret. “Seth, just go.”
“I don’t want to go.”
I close my eyes, needing to not look at him right now, or else I might burst into tears. “I don’t have time for this,” I whisper. “I need to go for my run.”
Opening my eyes, I focus everything I have on getting my last shoe, shoving my foot inside it before making my way toward the door.
Seth grabs my arm and I instantly stop. “Alex, come on,” Seth breathes. “Look at me. This isn’t like you.”
He chuckles, the sound awkward to my ears, like he’s worried I might just leave him high and dry. It’s a stupid thought, but my heart latches onto it, hoping he actually cares for me. Why do I do this to myself? The only one Seth cares about is himself. And Rachel. Maybe.
“Look at me,” he whispers, his hand caressing my cheek, pulling me to him.
My lips part. A shaky breath leaves me while my gaze lifts, meeting his. They’re so beautiful. Everything about him is wonderful, and terrible all at the same time.
“What’s going on?” Seth asks, leaning in close, his lips nearly on mine. He presses his body up against mean and I go completely rigid, hating how he can affect me so easily. Concentrate, Alex. Don’t let him distract you. You’re mad at him, remember!
“Nothing,” I say shakily while gently pushing him away. “I don’t have time for this, Seth. I really need to go for me run.”
Seth sighs in exasperation. “Why?” He asks flippantly. “Why is this run so much more important than working things out with me? Fuck. I feel like I’m throwing myself at you.”
“What?” I ask, my eyes widening on him as I take a step back. “You think this is you throwing yourself at me?” I put to myself, completely shocked. I don’t know why I’m so surprised. Of course he would make this all about him. Of course he doesn’t care about how he makes me feel. “Fuck, Seth.” Oh, no. I need to stop, but my mouth isn’t listening to my brain and I blurt out harshly, “Everything is always about you, now, isn’t it? Maybe I want to go on a run so I can actually feel good about myself.”
Seth scoffs. “I don’t even know what that means.”
I shake my head. “I’m not in the mood to explain myself, Seth. Now, at of my way. If I can’t burn off my anger, I can at least prepare my body for October.” I freeze as my words reach my ears. The energy in the room shifts and I glance at Seth, watching his hands fist.
“October?” He asks, tilting his head, giving me a confused puppy-dog look. “What’s in October?”
I just had to open my big, stupid mouth, now, didn’t I? There’s no point in keeping this a secret any longer. The truth will come out, eventually. Might as well be now.
“I have a photoshoot in Chicago.”
Seth blinks back at me as if he doesn’t quite register my words.
“Susan Burnt says I have the look,” I continue. “She wants me to do more gigs in order to prepare me for Hamburg.”
Seth’s eyes dim. Something I can’t quite put my finger on flickers in his gaze. He crosses his arms, his jaw clenching. I can’t read him—can’t tell if he’s mad about the news, or hurt. “What’s in Hamburg?” He asks.
“Another gig. Working with Puma. I’ll be gone for about a month in December,” I add.
Seth’s expression doesn’t change, but he steps away from me, leaning against my dresser while he regards me. “When did you decide all this?”
“Today.”
Seth nods. His gaze shifts to the floor. “And you decided all this without asking me?”
There’s something in his voice. It sounds heavy, strained. “Are you mad?”
