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“I’ve been thinking about this long enough to know what I want and don’t want, Seth.” His shoulders slump forward and he gives me the biggest puppy-dog eyes I’ve ever seen. “I want you Seth, but I don’t want to hide anymore. I can’t take it. I want to be with someone I can love in public, without having to worry.”
I chuckle bitterly. “So it’s the whole gay thing that’s putting you off, is it?”
A frustrated sigh leaves Alex and he pulls at his hair while scowling at me. “Seth, that’s all you! I’m fine with PDA in public. You’re the one who is constantly looking over your shoulder and shoving me away the moment Lucas or Hunter walk in.”
He has a point, but I don’t want to listen anymore. He needs to apologize and tell me we can still be together. That’s all I want to hear. I don’t care if he’s right and I’m wrong. I just don’t want us to break up. It’s getting very hard not to cry. I can feel the sob crawling up my throat, threatening to burst from me. Fuck, what will Alex think if I break down in front of him?
“You’re the one who wants to hide,” Alex continues, “and I refuse to any longer. And I don’t think you should either, Seth. It’s not good for you.”
“And how do you know what’s good for me?” I ask bitterly.
Alex shakes his head. “I don’t know, Seth. I’m tired. It’s been a long day.”
“So go already. I’m not the one keeping you here.”
Alex sighs and my gaze drops to the floor.Don’t cry, I tell myself as I hear his footsteps grow distant.Don’t cry, I think when I hear the door squeak open, the laughter and bass from the party below blaring into the room. As soon as the door closes, I burst into a fit of tears, unable to hold back any longer. I stare at the closed door, wishing for Alex to come back, to hug me and tell me everything will be okay.
He doesn’t.
I continue crying, unable to stop. It’s like a dam has been lifted. I cover my face, sobbing into my fingers, wishing things were different—wanting to wake up in the morning and realize this entire night was a nightmare. I lay down on the bed, pressing my head against the pillow, not caring whose room I’m in. If they don’t like my presence, they can kick me out. My eyes close and I will myself to sleep, allowing the shadows to take over and my mind to drift back to those wonderful days at camp, when there was no Hunter and Lucas to walk in on us—where we could be free.
Chapter 16
RACHEL
Icrackmyeyesopen, watching the light stream in through my room. I must have left the windows open, because the green curtains sway in and out with the wind. There’s something, or rather, someone behind me, and when I turn, I find Lucas snuggled close, smiling down at me.
“Good morning,” he murmurs while stroking my hair behind my ear.
I smile and lean into his touch, enjoying his warmth. “Morning,” I whisper while turning back around and snuggling closer to him. My gaze goes to the clock on the nightstand, reading 8:00 A.M. I close my eyes, telling myself to return to dreamland. I can deal with reality later.
Until I realize class starts in thirty minutes.
My body jolts upward, my heart slamming in my chest, and I roll out of bed in a rush.
“Fuck, fuck, fuck!” I mutter while throwing open my closet and looking for something appropriate to wear, as well as something to hide my tummy. “Why didn’t you wake me?”
“You looked so comfy,” I hear Lucas call from the bed. “I thought you needed the rest.”
“Lucas!” I shout angrily while I continue rummaging through my close. “I can’t afford to miss any days.” Who knows if I will have to take time off in December to deliver the baby? And I don’t want to retake this semester. The goal is to graduate in the spring and I will do everything I can to reach the goal, even if it means attending every single class rain or shine.
“Not even one?”
“No!” I shout while scowling at the clothes lying on the floor in my closet. I was supposed to do laundry yesterday. Why didn’t I do laundry yesterday? I wonder while smelling a pair of leggings, my nose scrunching up at the foul smell greeting me. Yep. Those won’t do.
“I just thought,” Lucas pauses and I hear him sigh, “you might want a break, you know? Especially after everything that happened last night. You shouldn’t push yourself, especially now that you’re pregnant.”
I drop the leggings as memories return to me and my heart swells, recalling how Seth blew up and left, and how I cried myself to sleep in Lucas’s arms. Alex left. I think he went to go find Seth and bring him home. I wonder if he was successful. I hope he was. I don’t want this animosity to grow between us. We should talk it out, but then again, Seth isn’t the greatest at putting his feelings on the table. Most likely, Alex had to drag him home. If Seth is here, he will probably spend the rest of the day locked in his room, or at work.
“Did Alex bring…”
A knock at the door interrupts me, shortly followed by Hunter poking his head inside. Dark circles shadow his eyes, but he forces a smile while pushing the door open. “Good morning,” he says brightly.
My gaze falls on the platter in his hands with a plate of what looks to be burnt pancakes with a side of raspberries and blueberries. There’s even a glass of orange juice, but some of it has spilt onto the berries. I cover my mouth with a hand to contain the laughter demanding to break through.
“What’s all this?” I mumble.
Hunter chuckles awkwardly as he strides briskly into the room, laying the platter onto my nightstand. “I made breakfast.”
