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SETH

Thecracksintheceiling blend together. I’ve been wondering for the past fifteen minutes if it’s a design, or if the house is old. It’s better than thinking about Rachel… about the baby growing in her belly. My eyes snap close as I remember her sitting on the couch, her eyes glimmering with unshed tears. The image keeps replaying over in my head ever since I left a few days ago. It haunts my dreams, my mind every time it drifts at work, or I’m alone in Mike’s room like this.

I groan, rolling over in bed and pressing my face into the pillow. There’s no way I can go to work like this. I’ve been up since four, unable to sleep. It was the same yesterday and the day before that. But I’ve got to make money. Especially, if I plan on moving out of Lucas’s house. Getting an apartment on my own will be expensive. Or I can ask Mike if I can move in, I think while opening my eyes and turning my head. The alarm clock stares back at me, reading eight in the morning.

Ugh.

I really need to get out of bed now if I want to make it to work on time. I push myself out of bed and begin searching for my khaki pants and work shirt. Thankfully, I had already been wearing them when I left the house. Otherwise, I’ve been borrowing Mike’s clothes, which are a bit big on me. For a track athlete, Mike is quite stocky. I find my khakis under the bed, as usual. As I put them on, I feel my phone still in its pocket. I must have forgot to take it out and charge it. Mike had another party last night, which I, of course, took part in. Anything to get Rachel out of my head.

And Alex.

No, don’t think about Alex, I think while snapping my eyes close. Unfortunately, my mind works against me. He was in this room a few nights ago, kissing me, hovering above me on that very bed. And then… he broke up with me. He left me here. He didn’t stay with me, nor did he care that I didn’t follow after him.

I reach for my phone, wondering if I have time to charge it. Maybe I can ask Mike to use his cable again? As soon as the screen unlocks, I’m greeted by twenty messages and ten missed phone calls, all from Rachel and the bros. I don’t care if they call and text me a thousand times. I’m not going to answer.

Rachel lied to me. She kept a significant secret from me. How can I ever trust her again? And, I’m not ready to be a father. I have no clue what I’m going to do with my life. I can barely pay for groceries. The only reason why I have a place to live, is because Lucas bought it for us. I’m worth nothing. Why would I be excited about having a baby brought into my chaotic life? And what if I turn out to be exactly like my father? It’s not like I have any good role models in my life.

Rachel should have said something. She could have called me and Alex, or video chatted us. I don’t care if she was scared and unsure of what to do. We’ve been dating for years now. She should know she can trust me.

What hurts the most is—she most likely kept it a secret because of me. Because of how I react to things. She kept this secret so long she’s begun to show and there’s no going back and it was all because she was worried about me reacting all crazy. I suppose I proved her point. But I’m not sorry. I shouldn’t have to be the one to apologize. What Rachel did was wrong, and I refuse to go back to that house. Sorry is not going to cut it.

I find my work shirt and shove it on before throwing open the door and running down the stairs and into the kitchen.

“Good morning,” I say to Mike, who is leaning against the counter, a coffee mug next to him while he reads Lucas’s book.

I frown at him, noticing his black-rimmed glasses. That’s new. He’s never worn glasses before. Although, I only ever see him at track or a party, so maybe he’s had glasses for a while now. He ignores me while he turns a page. His eyes are glued to the book. He nibbles on his bottom lip, his brows tented together—looking concerned. I guess Lucas’s book is good?

I roll my eyes. Well, good for him, I think darkly while snatching a mug and pouring myself a cup of coffee from the pot. Nice to know someone in our group is doing so well. I grimace while taking a sip, noting how bitter the coffee is. Mike really likes his shit strong. I take another sip and the taste only worsens. Just as I’m about to go looking through the fridge for some milk, Mike’s gaze flicks up to me, widens briefly, and then returns to the pages.

That was… odd.

“How’s the book, Mike?” I ask hesitantly, forgetting all about the milk as I take another sip of coffee. Shit. Crap. I force myself to swallow and place the mug down before I make the same mistake.

Mike’s month twists and he glances up at me again. “Good,” he says while turning the page.

“So, is it worth the fifteen bucks?”

Mike tilts his head and I watch as he places a receipt between the pages, marking his spot, before giving me his undivided attention. “Yeah, totally,” he says with an awkward chuckle. He crosses his arms and forces a smile. Why is he being so weird this morning?

“Heading to work?” he asks.

I bob my head. “Yeah, gotta make that money so I can finally move out of your place.”

“Bro, you can crash here as long as you want. Whatever you need, I’m here for you man.”

I nod my head while turning toward the fridge, deciding I do need that milk in my coffee.

“So, Rachel is still in the house with Lucas?”

“Yeah,” I say while pouring the milk, watching it meld with the coffee, turning it into a pleasant hazelnut color. “And Alex and Hunter.”

“She seems pretty close with the bros.”

I roll my eyes. “Indeed.” I take a sip of my coffee, sighing in bliss. Much better.

“You and Rachel have been together for a while now.”

“Yeah, about three years? Maybe longer,” I add with a shrug.

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