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Not that anything mattered anymore.
Slowly, I lowered myself back to the couch, and let the sobs rush over me. Tears came flooding over my cheeks, burning my skin like acid, and even though I gasped and heaved and tried, so hard, to grasp at the air, I still couldn’t breathe.
I couldn’t believe it.
Pierre.
Felix watched me for a few moments, allowing me the time to drown myself in my confusion and agony, before getting up from the beanbag and coming over to sit beside me. As he laid an arm over my shoulders, I realized just how cold I’d been—just how much the rain had already done and what my snot and tears were doing to me now.
Suffocate me.
“She sent the video to him,” Felix explained, slowly. His warmth radiated from his voice just as much as it did from his body as he pulled me closer. He was trying his best to tread carefully. “I think… he liked you. More than you know.”
Suddenly, I choked. And looked at him.
“Why the fuck,” I seethed, “would you, ofallpeople, know anything about my friend?”
I elbowed his arm off my shoulder and turned to face him completely.
“You fucking asshole.” My voice was way past a whisper, now. Way past a scream, it was so small. “All of you. Elliot. Leo. You spend four years treating us like shit, and now, you think you know us?”
Felix didn’t seem to object. He waited, eyes nodding while he kept still, listening.
He knew I wasn’t going to end there.
“If Pierre really liked me,” I continued, stumbling across the words like they were in a dream, and my mind was full of static, “he wouldn’t try kill himself because he saw me fucking someone else. He saw me fucking one ofyou. FuckingElliot.”
Leaning over my knees, I buried my face in my hands.
What have I done?
How could I?
How?
“I wouldn’t have done it if it weren’t for her.”
I said the words before they even registered in my brain. They came from the heart. Straight from the source of angst herself.
I lifted my head, my thoughts spiraling into a storm cloud. A hurricane.
“If it weren’t for Vivian,” I murmured, “this would never have happened.”
Turning back to face Felix, it felt as if it’d been days since I’d actually looked him in the eye. For some reason, my vision seemed clearer with tears blotting out everything else around it.
Maybe it was the hatred. The anger.
Adrenaline.
“We have to get back at her,” I said, my voice coming out stronger. “Ihave to. For Pierre.”
For my own sanity.
Once again, Felix let his eyes do all the talking. I didn’t have to see his lips move to know that he was in. Whatever his true motives were, I didn’t care. Hewashere, wasn’t he?
Something, anything about this, must’ve mattered to him.
“Where is Elliot?” I tried again. This time, answering wasn’t negotiable. If he didn’t cut to the chase within two seconds, I’d clamp my hands around his neck. “Where. Is. He?”
