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She doesn’t plan on coming back.
She didn’t want us to come with her.
This isn’t her playing games, hoping we’ll drop everything to join her, this is her sacrificing herself to do what she thinks is right. Fuck it, I know there are better ways to handle this. Better ways to do the fucking right thing but fuck, she’s out there on her own. If I go after her, it’s not because she expects it, it’s because I want to.
I want to keep her safe. So as much as I wanted to avoid another fucking massacre fuck it, I guess I’m going to have to help her one last time and figure out my fucking life after this. I hurry out of the shower, throw on my clothes and I’m running out the bathroom and into the living room when I see Calder with a fucking gun at his head. I am not expecting this sight at all so I stop dead in the center of the room, frozen and the only thing I can manage to say is, “No!” before the gun goes off.
Oh, my fucking goodness fucking gracious! I take off running toward him as the sound of the gunshot still echoes in my ear. He falls to the ground and my heart leaps out of my chest. I slide down on my knees next to him, unable to control the tears that start falling from my eyes. I’m shaking in shock as I anticipate a pool of blood surrounding him soon. But I don’t see any. I grab his head and I start to rotate it to see where he hit himself.
My hand comes across something warm and wet. My heartbeat sounds like a gong inside my head as I lean over to investigate it. When I see it, I collapse on top of his chest, still shaking, tears still running from my face but relief washing over me. The bullet only grazed his ear but he seems to have fainted.
I hug him briefly, saying, “Oh, thank fuck, thank goodness. Oh my gosh.” I allow my breathing to steady before I start trying to wake him up.
“Cal, are you okay?” I say as I’m pushing at his chest while wiping my tears away with the other hand. “Cal!” I yell louder for him to hear me and when he doesn’t respond, I slap at his face. “Calder!”
His eyes blink open and I sigh aloud. “Don’t ever fucking do something like that ever again, you hear me?! You scared the shit out of me!” I say.
He grabs his head, wincing.
“You okay?” I ask him, my voice a lot softer now as I try to help him to sit up. “Don’t move too fast. You’re probably still in shock.”
“I thought you guys left already.” He groans.
“Yeah, well I didn’t, and thank God I didn’t. What the fuck were you thinking?” I ask him.
He doesn’t answer me.
“Alright, well we can talk about that later. Right now, we’ve got to get you to the hospital. You messed up your ear a bit, you’re bleeding,” I say.
“No!” he says before grabbing his ear. “No doctors. We can’t go to the hospital. Our blood, they’ll track us.”
“So what are we supposed to do?” I ask him.
“I’ll be fine. Just go find Julissa.” He turns away from me.
“Like fuck I will. Mikhail’s gone after her and I will too, as soon as I get your ass taken care of. I don’t know fucking shit what to do with your fucking ear and the doctors need to look you over to make sure that you didn’t cause some more damage that can’t be seen at first glance. You need to be checked over and fuck you if you think I’m going to leave you here by yourself after what the fuck you just did. We’re going to the fucking hospital. And you know what?” I say before jumping up and gathering up as many guns as I can hold and when I realize it’s too much for one person to hold, I pause, mumbling to myself before I start emptying them of bullets and putting as many of them as I can into my pockets and holding the rest in my hand.
“I’m gonna go get my fucking keys, don’t go anywhere,” I tell him as I race to Julissa’s room to grab them and a bag, which I shove the bullets in, then the guns before I go over to Calder and help him to stand up because he’s still a bit dizzy.
Out the door, we go. I pop my trunk, throw the bag of weapons in it and run around to the driver’s seat. I haven’t even locked up the fucking house. My head’s a mess. I put my fucking foot on that gas and hope to fucking hell that he isn’t right about that fucking blood work.
When we arrive, as soon as I tell the doctors what I just witnessed, they get Calder a wheelchair which he refuses, looking embarrassed but I tell him to sit his ass down because I am not in the mood for his pride. The fucking man nearly blew his fucking head off. Who cares about fucking pride right now?
I can’t go into the room with him as the doctors check him over so my heart’s just pounding like mad as my feet tap on the floor annoying the rest of the people in the waiting room. I can’t stop worrying about Calder and Julissa at the same time, wanting to believe that Calder is in good hands so I can leave to go help Mikhail with Julissa but afraid to leave just in case they discharge him sooner than I expect and he’s on his own again.
I thank all that is good when a doctor approaches me after an hour to tell me that he just got a few stitches but they’re going to keep him overnight to run some more tests on him and have him speak to a psychologist.
“Can I see him?” I ask because I have questions.
I’m given the go-ahead and led to his room where I see him looking around the room with agitation. When he sees me, he stills and looks away as if seeing me is a painful reminder of what could’ve happened.
“Hey,” I say to him.
“Hi,” his voice is grumpy and he scratches his eyebrows in a dismissive gesture.
I hurry to pull up a seat before his bed. “So, what was that all about?” I ask, staring dead at him, not allowing him to avoid my presence.
“You’re wasting time sitting here and talking to me,” he says and I can hear in his voice that he’s starting to crumble.
