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I also laugh in response. “Just thinking about watching you fuck her, watching you suck me.”
He moans. “Yeah? When did you have this in mind?”“Now if she’s with you,” I say, nudging him to answer my earlier question.
He groans. “Bummer. She’s not here. Did you check with Calder?”
“Well, that’s disappointing.” I sigh. “That could’ve been fun. I’ll call him now. See you later.” I end the call, punching in Cal’s number.
“Hey nerd, is Julissa with you?” I ask as he answers the phone.
I can hear his keyboard tapping away like crazy. “Nah. Why?”
Okay, now my head swells making every single hair and pore on my scalp crawl. The pulse in my wrist next to my ear beats a deafening sound and the sweat returns. “What do you mean she’s not with you?!” My chest tightens and sweat gathers at the top of my forehead. “If she’s not with you, if she’s not with me or Axel,andif she’s not at work…then where the hell is she?” My voice raises in pitch.
Chapter 3
Calder
JamesSullivan.Mynewidentity. A tiny white generic office that I have all to myself in a two-story building. A fresh start. A chance to forget the past and all its miseries. A chance to be a man with a pretty normal childhood, who wasn’t completely fucked the moment he entered this world. Yet, it’s like learning to walk, I’m a bit shaky as I try to navigate this new shot at a life that excites me. Here, I can be someone who isn’t running from danger, constantly, every single day of his life, looking over his shoulder like he’s being chased by his own shadow. And even helping Julissa eliminate some of those demons that crawled the streets and walls of Las Vegas didn’t help me in the way I thought it would.
Their blood didn’t wash away my memories, making everything heal again. Instead, it just gave me something else to fear, to keep worrying will catch up on me soon. But perhaps if I try hard enough, I can embrace this new chapter and pretend that Calder is already dead and James Sullivan is just a nerdy computer guy who helps everyday people solve their mundane computer problems. A regular guy who lives with two roommates and his girl whose only secret is that he shares a very interesting consensual sex life with them.
I want that so badly but it’s hard when you’re constantly wondering if the person who walks into your office asking for your service can be trusted. This is why I’ve found myself sitting here, investigating my new client. It’s like ants are crawling beneath my skin, biting and sucking my blood, making it impossible to relax and breathe, trust that everything is okay. I have to know who this person is. Are they trustworthy? Are they clean? What do I need to know about them?Since I’ve been here, I’ve hacked every company of every single client that has hired me to help them with their I.T. issues, and each time, they’ve come up clean and I’ve told myself to let it go, stop hacking people’s shit. Because if I’m caught then I’ll be in big fucking trouble and we can’t afford to be in big fucking trouble at the moment. We’re currently preoccupied with trying to appear normal, whatever that fucking means. This is the last time. The last client I’ll dig into. If they’re also clean, it’s a sign that I’m able to trust my clients and should just try to relax.
My phone rings, startling me. I pick it up to see Mikhail. I’m equally nervous and relieved. He could be calling me with something pretty uninteresting and normal or telling me that we’ve been found out. I straighten up my shoulders and brace myself as I pick up the phone. I breathe a sigh of relief when I realize that he’s just trying to find out where Julissa is. I get back to digging into piles of information that pop up on my screen as I go through my new client’s company with a fine-tooth comb while I listen to him. She isn’t with me but I wish she was. Man, would it be great to just have her teasing me at the moment, running some cruel joke, laughing away, all while seducing me? That would be a welcome and much-needed distraction from my thoughts and obsession.
“Whoa whoa whoa! Calm down!” I say to Mikhail as he screams through the phone, his voice reverberating off my eardrum. “What’s the problem? What do you mean she’s not at work?”
This is unlike her. We don’t know many people around here and she isn’t the type to go wandering around lakes and ponds, picking flowers, listening to the birds sing type shit to clear her head. Nah, if Julissa wants to clear her head, she’s usually at therapy or she finds us. It’s predictable but it’s safe. So I doubt she just got up and went for a walk. It’s not impossible, I guess but it’s not usual. My palms start to sweat a little. It’s difficult for us to completely relax. Underneath our calm displays of normalcy, we’re constantly on edge preparing for the moment when we’ll have to fight all while hoping desperately that we’ll manage to stay hidden.
A lump gathers in my throat and I push against it, trying to swallow it away. When we first got here, we were a lot worse than we are now and everything spooked us. If anyone looked at us a particular way that voice would go off wondering who they were, what they wanted, and whether we needed to deal with them. As the months passed Mikhail did a good job of preventing us from overreacting and enforcing the need for us to just pretend that we’re like everybody else. Everyone in this town probably has secrets but we don’t know them and we don’t care to know them. So what if we have secrets, we’re just like them and that’s all we need to focus on to blend in.
It’s surprising to have him freaking out right now and it is making me wonder if I should be too. Still, maybe he’s just having a moment now and he needs someone to reassure him. “Maybe she was having a difficult day and went to see her therapist?” I say both for his benefit and my own, needing for us to think of an alternative.
“She didn’t have a session booked today, besides it’s too early. No, I think there’s something wrong,” he rushes to clear up for me.
My shirt feels too tight now and my body grows hotter as I work on trying not to panic. “Why would you say that? What happened that you’re not telling me, Mikhail?”
There goes my attempt as my voice comes out as a snarl.
“Aw man, I’m so fucking stupid,” Mikhail says and my eyes go wide while I wait for him to continue. “She stopped by earlier and we sneaked off into the back. Everything was going well. She was all into it and everything. She wanted me and then in a split second, a customer showed up and she acted as if she’d seen a ghost. She’d gone pale and pulled her underwear up as if she’d just been caught doing something dirty. And you know Julissa doesn’t give a fuck if we’re almost caught or something. So I thought that was strange. I had to attend to the customer of course but when I asked her how she was, she said she overreacted and just left. And my horny ass just took her at her word, trying to pick up where we left off, ignoring that something must have gone wrong.”
No, fuck this. This can’t be happening. I jump up from my seat and start pacing, wanting to slam my hand into the wall now. He’s a former cop, for fuck sake, how could he not have noticed that something was off. I swear he’s so bent on living out his fairytale fantasies, he can be so blind sometimes. My antennas go off. “Who was the customer?” I can feel the heat of my breath on my upper lip as I exhale.
“Don’t even think about it, the customer was some harmless weird old ass man and his much younger woman and children. If there was something wrong with the family other than the age gap and a couple of shy kids, I would’ve noticed it,” he huffs.
I run my hand over my low-cut blonde beard. “And there was no one else there?”
“No man, no one showed up. Don’t you think I would’ve noticed that?” he responds in sensitive defense.
“Well, obviously you didn’t notice something,” I bite out, close my eyes to calm myself then look up at the ceiling as if it holds the answers. I sift through my cramping brain to see what about that situation could have frightened her. “How old were the kids and how much of an age gap are we talking?”
“What does that have to do with anything?” he responds.
“I swear, Mikhail, sometimes you can’t see past your nose. Just answer the question.” My impatience is evident.
“Ay watch your tone, this isn’t my fault,” he answers.
This isn’t the time for me to let my ego get into a boxing match with his. I count to ten. “Just trying to figure out what could’ve spooked her. What was the age dynamic?”
