AllFreeNovel
Share Us
Mikhail breathes out heavily on the other side of the line. “Yeah, I’m sorry man. I’m just a bit panicked. The age gap, man it even had me turning blue in the face. That man was old enough to be her kid's great granddad. And the kids looked to be about three and six. Oh. I see what you’re getting at.”
“Yeah. Maybe seeing that chilled her a bit. You know how she gets when she sees children, and if that woman he was with looked too young to be with him, she might be triggered, you know. Sure the guy might be an old fart to us, but maybe to her, he comes off as a predator with a girl that young,” I say talking from my asshole because I have no clue if I’m right. I just know that Julissa went through a lot as a kid and she’s seen a lot of kids go through a lot. I’ve been through some shit as a kid too, and sometimes, out of nowhere, I see a kid and a memory flashes back to me and I freak out too. I know a part of the whole reason we did what we did back in Vegas was so we could prevent kids from having to go through that as well, rescue kids that were already in it, as well as all other age groups.
They still don’t know what I went through as a kid and I don’t want them to know, I don’t want them to see that when they look at me. Fuck, I’m still trying not to see that when I look at me. Having been through that, it’s not far-fetched for me to think that maybe seeing that dynamic freaked her out because well, I can relate.
That would explain why she didn’t stop by any of us because this isn’t just anything she needs to clear her head from. Hell, maybe she did go take a fucking walk after all. “She probably needed some air. Probably too shaken up to go back to work,” I say acting like I don’t know exactly what that feels like.
“You’re probably right. I hope that’s it. I just wish she would’ve talked to us,” he responds.
I don’t want to say anything that will make Mikhail feel worse than he does at the moment so I don’t mention the fact that he was too focused on getting his dick wet to see anything else. “Yeah, sometimes you…I’ve heard that people just don’t know how to talk about it and just need to take some time to themselves.” I bite down on my lip, almost drawing blood, punishing myself for almost letting my secret spill out. I quickly follow up with “Yeah, give her till the time she usually gets home from work. If it’s late and she still isn’t back, then we might have something to worry about.”
Man, I hope we have nothing to worry about. I end the call. My belly starts to hurt. I was a lot more reasonable over the phone than I feel. I tried to remain as positive as I could manage for Mikhail but with the click of the call coming to an end and the silence of my office, my fears consume me.
My limbs feel as though they weren’t made for my body. My chest hurts with how hard my heart is pounding. There’s no way I’m going to be able to focus on work now. I wouldn’t call what I was doing before work anyway.
I haven’t been able to relax all fucking day and this is the stick that broke my fucking back. My hearing becomes muffled and nothing outside of me makes any sense. I can’t hear anything else but doubt about her safety. I hope I was right. I won’t be able to rest until I know she’s safe. Until I know we all are. The room starts to spin with me as I keep checking the clock to see if it’s close to the time she usually gets home from work. Was the collar of my shirt as tight as this, this morning? It’s cutting my oxygen off.
I try to look at my computer screen but all the words just blend together. I grab documents for the new client from the cabinet and I could have been staring at a blank page because I have no fucking clue what I’m looking at. I have to get out of this office that’s gotten too small in the past hour. I’ve got to get home and maybe if I’m lucky, she’s already there.
Chapter 4
Axel
I’vejustwalkedoffmy late shift at the coffee production house that I work at as a handler. I twist my neck from side to side to work out the strain built up from the hours of loading and lifting inventory. It’s not the highest paying job in the world but my coworkers don’t care who I am and are quite fine with just referring to me as A. They didn’t require any usual documents to get the job and it keeps me active, really improving my biceps so I can’t complain, plus there’s a lot of eye candy.
I run my fingers through my hair to shake out my curls that were flattened by the hair net that everyone has to wear to ensure that some lone hair doesn’t go wafting through the air only to land into their coffee while packaging.
I jump into my very regular-looking, unexciting car when I see a text message come in from Mikhail. I smile while yawning at the sight of his name but quickly become disturbed when I read the message. Julissa has been missing since lunch! Why didn’t he tell me that when he called? I know it’s only been a few hours but for us, that’s a long fucking time of unanswered questions!
I shove my key into the ignition, reversing my car out of the parking spot and speeding out of the lot. Unlike the others, I work quite some miles away from where they live. I’d been feeling a huge disconnect from myself, unsure of who I am and what I wanted out of life. I mean, I did what I had to do to escape sex trafficking thanks to Julissa’s courage and inspiration. And I love her for that. I’m in love with her and I don’t want that to ever stop.
But I started to feel like I was waiting for her to make a move so I could make a move, almost like I was waiting for her to teach me how to live my life because yes, she saved me from hell by inspiring me and for that I felt like I owed her my life but now that I’m supposed to be free, I’m not sure what’s next.
I didn’t feel free other than when we got to be together but even then I felt like an add-on. Like I’m not enough. Like I don’t have an identity without her now and that doesn’t feel like complete freedom. What am I meant to do with my life? Who am I meant to be?
And living in the house with all of them? I don’t know how she does it but it gives me flashbacks to living with my trafficker and all the sex slaves. And trust me, I know this is nothing like that. No fucking way. Because what we all share is love, love for Julissa, love for each other. That’s what our strange dynamic is founded on.
There is no exploitation and I know that, yet I had this very deep fear that if I didn’t break away I’d start to idolize her too much, to the point of losing myself and it felt cult-like, for me. It’s certainly not that. She encourages freedom but for me and how lost I am right now, that’s what that kind of exalted image I have of her could turn into and I didn’t want it to get that far and I wasn’t sure I’d be able to control it if it did. I needed to step away and I needed to find a sense of identity so I moved out because I don’t want her to be my savior, I want her to be my woman, our woman.
And even so, having moved some distance away, I still keep in close contact with all of them, all the time, several times a day. We always check in on each other. I’m surprised we don’t have GPS trackers on our phones but that would probably be dangerous. We don’t need any type of device that can lead to our location. But as much as it drives me crazy that we don’t go anywhere without anyone knowing exactly where we are, as much as it feels controlling as shit, I remind myself that it’s for our safety. We all understand this. So this is more than alarming and I’m trying hard to keep my heart from jumping out of my mouth so I can focus on driving.
The great thing about these roads is that they’re hardly ever crowded. I push my foot on the gas and try to keep my breathing steady as I blaze forward, my tires skidding along the asphalt pushing me further. It’s ridiculous but I decide to check the women’s center we both attend for group therapy. Yes, I said it. Women’s center. The only place this town has for survivors of sex crimes and I’m the only guy brave enough to show my face there and admit I’m a victim because the town can be small-minded at times.
Thankfully the group itself is supportive. And it’s great. I love that places like these exist for women. I love that there’s a place they can go to feel safe but whether it’s a small town or a big city, it’s hard to find places for other victims too. I’m glad they let me in but it would be nice if there were more resources for male survivors. If we ever become truly free, where we don’t have to be on the run, I’d like to do something to change that. To make more resources available for all people who are victims of sex crimes. But until then, it’s just a dream.
I pull up to the center, go inside, and ask around. Just as I expected, she’s not there. I hop back in my car and I gun it, pulling up at their place.
Chapter 5
Julissa
Hecan’tseeme.He has no idea I’m here. Brainless fucker doesn’t know what I could do if I wanted to. He’s more than just brainless. Look at him, the lucky fucker. Ooh! He’s so fucking lucky that I’m trying to get a shot at the life I could’ve had if I hadn’t the misfortune of being chosen as his fucking kid. I don’t give a fuck about how vulnerable I’ve left myself, parking my bike in the woods next to his house with no one else out here as far as I can tell. I have to be here. I have to see the snake in its natural habitat. I have to make sure my eyes weren’t deceiving me earlier.
I don’t have any weapons on me but that’s not important. I can do a lot without weapons if I need to. It’s dark now. I rode past his house earlier and watched as he got out of the taxi and entered the cream-colored, old-fashioned, beautifully refurbished wooden house. Then after he and the kids went inside, I found a path that leads to the forest of trees that sit behind his home and I waited until nightfall.
My first thought was well, how the fuck did he afford this place? By the looks of it, he’s off drugs. Never thought I’d see the day that could happen. I thought drugs would fucking kill him. I wouldn’t say he looks good though. For seventy, the man’s lost all his fucking teeth and his skin is pasty and wrinkly as shit. Guess that’s what the drugs will do to ya. Then as my skin itched in anticipation to know more, I wondered about the woman he’s with and who the fuck allowed him to be around kids. Do they know who he is?
I spent the last few hours biting and picking at my nails, digging them into the tree next to me, and scraping off little bits of wood as anxiety raced through every single nerve in my body. Now my fingernails are bloody but I can’t feel it. I’m too excited to be able to come out of the dark and see what the fuck’s going on.
