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I've always disliked cemeteries.The idea of hundreds of dead bodies being under the ground in one particular area freaks me out. But today, as I make my way over to Davi's grave, this is actually where I want to be.
My eyes rake over the gravestone I've only seen once—when they lowered her casket into the ground. Seeing her name engraved is a harsh reminder that she's gone and never coming back. I guess I've let myself believe at times that she was just away on some tropical vacation, and she would walk right through the doors and tell me to get dressed because she wants to go shopping. But that's never going to happen.
I sit down on the ground and lean against her stone, speaking the words that have been replaying in my mind. "Why didn't you talk to me? I could've helped you. We told each other everything, until all of a sudden you stopped. You were my sister, Davi. You should have come to me."
Dropping my head, I exhale.
"But you were sick. And we didn't know. I just wish you would have said something. I would've done anything for you, and you should've known that. You saved me, but then you didn’t let me return the favor."
I look around the yard of stones, thinking about how she doesn't belong here. There were so many ways this could have gone down. She didn't have to die. But she chose to give up, and I can't continue to hold that against her.
"But I love you, Davi. You were my best friend in the entire world, and I'll never forget the things you did for me."
I sit there for a little longer, talking about all the things she's missed since she's been gone. I can practically feel her energy when I tell her about how I changed Carter's essay and totaled his car. And when I finally go to leave, I feel more at peace about everything than I have in a while.
As I get into the car, Carter looks over at me from the driver's seat. "Ready to go?"
I nod and lace my fingers with his. He drives out of the cemetery and toward the airport. I think about how far he and I have come. After everything at Florida State, I never thought that a relationship was in the cards for us. In my mind, we were always this forbidden thing. Now, I can't imagine my life without him—the same way Davi couldn't. And that scares the hell out of me.
"I know you weren't in love with Davi, but did you ever feel something for her?" I ask him, seemingly out of the blue.
He doesn't get mad at the question. He doesn't even look at me for it strangely. Instead, he just smiles sadly.
"I think I loved her, but never in the way she wanted me to," he answers. "I loved Davi in the way that I love Paige or Amelia or Kennedy. She was never someone I wanted to spend my life with. I would've done it. If she was really pregnant with my kid, I would've stepped up and done what was right. But I don't think I would've ever been in love with her. Not the way I am with you."
The honesty in his voice damn near flips my world upside down. It doesn't surprise me that he was willing to give up what he saw for himself to provide the best life for his child. That's just how Carter is—always putting everyone else first, even as he appears to have the world on a string.
My heart is nearly bursting at the seams as I look over at him. My feelings for him have been right in front of my face all this time, and I never gave myself the chance to acknowledge them until now. And I sure as hell never expected to make them known, but sitting here next to him, it's different.
I trust him to know how I feel and not use it to break me.
"Carter?" I say.
He keeps his eyes on the road for the most part, but glances over at me so I know I have his full attention. "Yeah, babe?"
"I love you."
A broad smile stretches across his face, and he brings our joined hands to his mouth and presses a kiss to my knuckles. "I know."
He turns to me and winks, making me roll my eyes playfully.
Always so confident.
BY THE TIME WEfinally get back to NHU, it's late. The campus is lit by street lights but only a few students are still walking around outside. Carter pulls through the entrance and comes to a halt at the stop sign.
"Your dorm or mine?" he asks.
My brows furrow as I look over at him. "Oh, so now that I don't want space, you're willing to give it to me?"
He chuckles and shakes his head. "No, baby. I was asking where we're both going."
"Oh."
I'll be honest, for a second I was afraid that my confession from earlier scared him away. But seeing the way he's looking at me, waiting for my decision, all of that disappears. There's just him and me. Raw, real, and emotionally bare.
"Let's go to yours," I tell him. "Your bed is a lot more comfortable than mine."
Smirking, he eyes me intently, "You know no part of me intends on sleeping, right?"
